So here’s the deal – the whole crazy ridiculous deal:  for some reason (my birthday cake, Easter ham, Easter candy, new running program) I gained five pounds in the last 4 weeks.  I have been so freaked out about gaining those five pounds that I have eaten copious amounts of fried foods, high fat foods, and sugar laden foods for the last week or so, more specifically the last three days. My pants are snug (uncomfortably so) and my shirts aren’t quite as fitted as they used to be, so that is freaking me out as well, and well… apparently being freaked out makes me want to eat my kitchen, and I am happy to oblige until I realize what I’ve done and am feeling ill and disappointed in myself.

I’ve gone through the usual thoughts: if I just had a new plan to follow, if I just didn’t have xyz going on in my life, if I could just have a few days of healthy eating in a row, etc etc etc., THEN I could get rid of this extra weight super fast. But the truth is, I just need to keep plugging away and stay focused on my eating plan and keep running and maybe even start adding days to work out.

I’ve been falling into the trap of thinking “I’m running now, so I can eat more” which to be quite honest, is total BS. Out of 30 minutes this morning, I ran for a total of 9 minutes (2 90 second runs, 2 3 minute runs), so really I’m not running very much at all.

It’s at times like these that I want to run back to the diet pills and beg their forgiveness for abandoning them and hope they’ll take me back. But I don’t want to keep using diet pills as my crutch, I want to do this chemical-free. I just wonder how long I’m going to do this dance. Will it be year after year? Will I be 53 years old still fighting the same fight? Will I ever get a handle on this? I’m not sure, I’m really not.

If anyone knows how to break through all this ridiculousness, I’d love to hear it.

I NEED this magnet...I might just have to buy it!