Crazy ridiculous

So here’s the deal – the whole crazy ridiculous deal:  for some reason (my birthday cake, Easter ham, Easter candy, new running program) I gained five pounds in the last 4 weeks.  I have been so freaked out about gaining those five pounds that I have eaten copious amounts of fried foods, high fat foods, and sugar laden foods for the last week or so, more specifically the last three days. My pants are snug (uncomfortably so) and my shirts aren’t quite as fitted as they used to be, so that is freaking me out as well, and well… apparently being freaked out makes me want to eat my kitchen, and I am happy to oblige until I realize what I’ve done and am feeling ill and disappointed in myself.

I’ve gone through the usual thoughts: if I just had a new plan to follow, if I just didn’t have xyz going on in my life, if I could just have a few days of healthy eating in a row, etc etc etc., THEN I could get rid of this extra weight super fast. But the truth is, I just need to keep plugging away and stay focused on my eating plan and keep running and maybe even start adding days to work out.

I’ve been falling into the trap of thinking “I’m running now, so I can eat more” which to be quite honest, is total BS. Out of 30 minutes this morning, I ran for a total of 9 minutes (2 90 second runs, 2 3 minute runs), so really I’m not running very much at all.

It’s at times like these that I want to run back to the diet pills and beg their forgiveness for abandoning them and hope they’ll take me back. But I don’t want to keep using diet pills as my crutch, I want to do this chemical-free. I just wonder how long I’m going to do this dance. Will it be year after year? Will I be 53 years old still fighting the same fight? Will I ever get a handle on this? I’m not sure, I’m really not.

If anyone knows how to break through all this ridiculousness, I’d love to hear it.

I NEED this magnet...I might just have to buy it!

12 thoughts on “Crazy ridiculous

  1. Oh my god, I totally feel you. You sound like my eat-better-conscience and all the logical excuses I throw at it 🙂 Which of course brings me to: what diet pills worked for you? Cuz I’m totally willing to go the chemical route right now haha

  2. I read your posts all the time as you are my inspiration a lot of the times and especially when I am down. What you are going thru now is something I have gone thru time and again and that’s why I never got anywhere except yo-yoing up and down. Never too low but always higher.

    One day I woke up and said I am going to be 60 this year and I am sick of this battle. I am going to conquor this once and for all. I am NOT going to go on a diet. I am going to adjust my eating with real food, allowing myself to have everything I want but learning moderation. Eating the way normal, thin people eat. I will NOT eat DIET food that I know I can’t stand and makes me feel like a “poor me” martyr. I will reward myself occasionally with high calorie food but I will use it spareingly and just occasionally. I will not treat myself as being bad or good. This has led me to losing weight slowly but it also put me on a program that I can live with the rest of my life. I will never be able to go back to how I used to eat but I don’t want to either. I can’t eat as much as before, my stomach just won’t allow it ( you’ll see this as you get older), and I found new things that I enjoy. Most of all, when I took the pressure off, I released the stress and am leading a much happier life.

    There is something deep inside you that you will find, maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon that will help you overcome
    the rut you are stuck in. I guess it is different for everyone but if you search long enough, you will suceed. I wish you well on your journey. We are here for you.

  3. Wow, I thought about what to say for so long that Noreen said it all! What a great response.

    I agree with what she said ‘I guess it is different for everyone but if you search long enough, you will succeed.’ It is a little different for everyone (i.e. some of us can eat a little sugar and not go nuts, and others know that it is just easier for them if they never touch the stuff.) There are also certain things that are the same for all of us.

    I was thinking about what were some of the key things that kept me going. That little Nutrition Action Healthletter really gave me a lot of good truthful information and it was interesting to read too. Here’s the link, in case you want it.

    One more thought. That you probably don’t want to hear. Maybe you should consider being content at the weight you are. You know this is one I struggle with too.

  4. I hear you Jill! So right there with you!
    it’s such a woman’s issue I think! finding our happy weight and living with it.

    Noreen said it all…THANKS NOREEN ; Debby too!

    keep up the journey…we will all get there!
    (and I just bought a case of slim fast Saturday)

  5. Im not big on giving advice (just in case i give the wrong advice) but maybe you just need to re focus. Find something new to do in your life , a different routine. Stop focusing so much on losing weight.

  6. I’m not sure what will work best for you, but in a way, I hope it *isn’t* what worked for me. For me, it took a very direct threat to my health and quality of life (type 2 diabetes diagnosis) to get my stuff together. “Getting my stuff together” has me maintaining a delicate balance of exercise and food at about 30 pounds above where I feel would be my optimal weight, but my health measurements (blood sugar levels, cholesterol) are excellent. I would need some pretty major tweaks at this point to get lower weight-wise, so I’ve focused on maintaining for now.

  7. Flylady would say, babysteps. You aren’t going to fix four weeks in a day. Just start now, with what you have. You’ll be a-okay.

    PS Get rid of the Easter candy. And come take mine too.

  8. I know exactly what you’re going through. I do the same thing. I’m hoping someday it will stick and I’ll have to admit it’s a way of life, not a diet to go on, not denying myself foods I love, not to beat myself up but to take care of myself, fuel it right and indulge once in a while. One of these days it will stick … never stop trying.

  9. I’m going back on the WW next month. Fortunately I have a family wedding to inspire summer weight loss. Here’s to counting points (again).

  10. Hello, I am a lurker (albeit subscribed to your blog via a Reader) and can sooooo relate to your post. I have maintained a 5o+ loss for almost two years and just when I’ve had a good few weeks, BAM! A few days (or sometimes a whole week) like you’re having hits me like a ton of bricks. It’s amazing the difference just 3-5 pounds can make in clothing and mental perspective.

    But I also want to say, as many times as I have taken three steps forward and two steps back, those one step gains I have made over the last 23 months has added up to something wonderful. Yes, I have realized I will probably be old and gray and still struggling with my food demons. Just because I have learned “maintenance” doesn’t make it any easier unfortunately. I am an emotional eater as well …

    What always seems to nip things in the bud for me after a small weight gain is adding 10 extra minutes to my cardio workouts and counting calories for a week or so while cutting starchy carbs a bit more then usual (I don’t do a 180 – I just ease back into better choices until I get my mental state back “there”). Also get out a pair of your big pants (if you saved any) and try them on so you can realize how far you’ve come.

    Good luck – you will get back on track. Just believe in yourself and realize this is just part of the whole roller coaster of maintenance. 🙂

    PS: I have three kids (7 and under) and am also 38. 😉

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