So many things swirling in the ole noggin here, I hope I can organize my thoughts for you! 

First of all, I love hummus.  Hummus + carrots and peppers = pure bliss.  Love. It.

Anyway, the weekend was crazy. Good, but a little crazy.  Shawn  is in the process of re-doing all of our cabinets in the kitchen, and now we have decided to paint the kitchen walls as well.  I think I might even redo the backsplash, but I’m going to wait and see how the rest of it turns out first.  While I am very VERY very excited about my new kitchen, it is one big messy pile of messiness right now.  I can’t even see my kitchen table, there is so much STUFF on it. Also a very fine layer of dust is covering everything from the sanding of the cabinets, which makes for a very sneezy me.  I get very cranky when there is lots of clutter – I like for things to be tidy – so I’m trying very hard to be patient and just do the best I can.  I’ll be glad when it’s all done and put back together.  I took some before-photos, so when it’s all finished I”ll post those with the after because I love before and after pics, don’t you?  😉  But the mess is causing a bit of anxiety to bubble just underneath the surface – I really need to watch the stress-eating these next few days.

Saturday night, Shawn and I ate dinner out, and I made some very un-healthy choices, but at the time I just wanted what I wanted and what I wanted was a big steak. And a beer. What’s up with the beer? I hardly EVER drink beer (at least not since my college days, when I drank my fair share. And her fair share. And probably his fair share too. And that guy over there? Yeah I drank his share too. )  But the thing is, I can’t remember the last time I drank a beer before Saturday night, but for some odd reason, I just wanted one, so I had one.  It was okay, but it reminded me why I don’t drink beer anymore – I don’t like the taste and I am all about the taste these days. So I had a big fat steak and big tall beer and I hardly drank any water all weekend long and I don’t think I worked out once in 3 days.  Not so great for someone who is supposed to be on this really healthy 30 day program to lose weight, but I”ll get to that a little more in a minute…

Yesterday I took off work to attend a funeral for one of Shawn’s uncles, and after the funeral everyone wanted to go to Red Lobster. I actually made some really good choices there:  Grilled shrimp skewers with wild rice and broccoli (and two cheddar biscuits – I am powerless to resist the cheddar biscuits).  And I drank water.  So that was good, but then that night Shawn and the kids wanted me to make chicken and dumplings, so I did.  Now usually when I make Chicken and Dumplings I will eat 3 bowls and be completely ill, but oh so satisfied.  Last night I had one bowl and was pleasantly full – not too bad, but I know C&D isn’t exactly a health food.  I didn’t get in a workout yesterday either, so it’s no surprise that my weight is up this morning.  Of course I didn’t log my weight into iChange because I cannot bear to see that little arrow go up (Hi Stu and Diana* – just ignore that last sentence, okay?!) 

Okay, that concludes the “woe is me, pity me” portion of my blog post today. I’ve covered the bad and the ugly, now let’s explore the good, shall we? 

I got up at 5:30 this morning and did 30 minutes on the elliptical, so that it would be DONE and nothing else could get in the way.  I’ve also already had 3 glasses of water, a good breakfast, and of course my uberhealthy morning love fest of hummus and veggies.  So I’m starting strong, and come hell or high water, I will end strong today.  I had a bit of a revelation in the shower this morning (anyone else do their deepest thinking in the shower? Or is it just me?):  when I am dieting, The Crazy comes out and takes over.  Suddenly I am obsessed with dropping pounds and no matter how hard I try (or to be more honest, don’t try) I end up gaining.  I sabotage myself at every turn. All I think about and focus on is LOSING POUNDS!!!!  However, when I am focused on living healthfully, suddenly things are much easier. It becomes easier to ignore the cookies because I know they won’t fuel my body. Workouts are easier to fit in, because I know the energy boost I get will carry me through the day.  Really it all comes down to semantics and beating the mind game when I want to drop pounds.  Losing weight can’t be about LOSING WEIGHT ONLY, for me it has to be a happy side effect of everything else I am doing.

The reason I decided to get in on iChange is because I wanted to work with an RD who would teach me how to eat HEALTHY FOODS. I initally did not join to lose weight – of course that thought was in my mind, but it wasn’t my main goal until I got started and did so well the first few days that I dropped 2 pounds instantly – that set me off and for the last two weeks I have been obsessed with LOSING WEIGHT.  I decided this morning (in the shower) that I was not going to give in to The Crazy and I would shift my focus from dropping pounds to gaining energy and nutrition.  This is now my main focus. Yeah, I won’t lie – I hope I do lose weight, and I’m pretty sure I will if I just stay focused.  I’m just starting my third week, so this week and next week are the final stretch, and I hope I can make myself proud. 

So anyway, that’s what’ s going on with me.  I know some of you suffer from this same mind-game, how do you handle it?  How good are you at recognizing your own Crazy, and what tips you off?  And then, how do you get off The Crazy Train?  Enquiring minds want to know! 

*Stu is the big wig at iChange and Diana is my RD.  I really like working with both of them, and there might be a chance for me to keep working with them once the 30 day program is over. It’s in the works – I’ll let you know!  🙂