The more things stay the same…

Once in a while I like to go through my archives and see what ridiculous thing I was thinking “one year ago today”.  This is what was going on one year ago today at the Sassy Pear:

I don’t remember why the thought popped into my head, but I just remember thinking a couple of days ago, “I’ve been so focused on Christmas and all it’s preparations that I have let everything else slip by the wayside.” And that’s when, my a-ha moment hit me – my focus determines whether or not I succeed. I have not been focused on losing weight since October. I have not been focused on exercising since then either, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I have gained a few pounds since then. I haven’t gained a lot – maybe 6 pounds, but I know 6 pounds can turn into 12 pounds very easily, unless I am focused on reducing those original six. For me, it has nothing to do with motivation or will power, it’s all about focus. When I was losing weight so steadily at the end of the summer and beginning of autumn, I was single minded about the kinds of foods I was eating and how much I was walking. Since then, eh not so much, and it’s starting to show. Also gone is my weekly weigh in with the Nurse Nazi – that was very motivating! I think to replace that, I will start posting my weight here for you all to see. Probably not the actual number, but I’ll post what Mary Lou says on a certain day of the week, let’s say Wednesdays (so don’t let me forget!). When I got The Platform I recorded my starting weight the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend, so of course it was higher than normal, but I got to 8.5 pounds below my starting weight, which is I think what my normal weight really is (around 153). This morning Mary Lou said I was only 2 pounds below my starting weight, which would put me at about 160 approx. I know I can get it back down fairly quickly just by getting on the treadmill and drinking lots of water (duh), so I’m not worried yet. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes.

Exactly one year later, I am in the exact same position.   Evidence, you ask? Here it is:

  • Like last year, I lost focus at the end of October
  • Like last year, I stopped weighing in with the Nurse Nazi
  • Like last year, I am back up to 160 after the holidays
  • Like last year, I was thinking that posting my weight on here would kick start my focus again

*sigh*

I am no further along now than I was this exact same time LAST YEAR. I have been spinning my wheels for a whole year. What really pisses me off is that I haven’t learned a darn thing.  I really believed that the diet pills would give me an edge while I learned how to eat healthy, but really I haven’t changed my eating habits. Oh, I think I eat less now than I did before, but really I haven’t changed what I eat, I just eat less junk than I did before.  I haven’t taken any of the pills for a couple of weeks now, and I’m not sure I want to start again. I really want to learn to do this on my own, but according to my past attempts, my track record there isn’t so hot either, so here I am, again, beating my head against the same wall, AGAIN, and really not sure how to propel myself forward.

And as if this wasn’t enough to make me cranky, I have to go back to work tomorrow after being off for 4 days.  Being me really sucks sometimes.

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2 thoughts on “The more things stay the same…

  1. It’s difficult not to be hard on yourself. I look at my pics from Christmas last year and, ew, ick. Not only was I 21 pounds heavier (than I am now), but I had this horrible super short haircut that my stylist gave me (I think it was more of a scalping). The thing that gets me, is how much lighter I would be had I been more diligent…if I had worked out more, eaten out less, spent a little less time finding awesome blogs to read…nah, that wouldn’t have helped me at all.
    I try to consider the fact that I have had bad eating habits since the beginning, and it is going to take some time to reverse that. It very well could be a process that I spend the rest of my life undertaking. There’s always tomorrow to be better…and remember, nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
    Not even those stupid little Dove Peppermint Bark candies.

  2. Hey Jill, this is sort of funny. I had a super good comment all typed out for you on the hotel computer (the SECOND time I paid $6 for 15 minutes,) and then the time was running out and they asked if I wanted to add another 15 minutes and I panicked and terminated the whole thing.

    Anyway, recapping what I said this morning, by your own testimony you said ‘I eat less now than I did before’ and ‘I just eat less junk than I did before.’ HELLO? That is huge. And HELLO? (What movie is that from?) you are 160 pounds, not 180 pounds, or heaven forbid, 260 pounds like I was at your age. Whether you like it or not, you are practicing maintenance, and that is a good thing.

    (And I do get your frustration, because, basically that is what I am doing, and I want to lose weight too. That’s why I like you so much, I guess.)

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