Dear Five Pounds That Have Attached Themselves To My Butt,

You are so sneaky. You crept up while I went through two weeks of PMS, and knowing that I don’t typically weigh myself during TOM, you thought you would just settle in and go unnoticed. Well, let me tell you something, I NOTICED. And the SCALE NOTICED. So you have been found out, and I’m only going to say this once, so listen up: you’ve got 2 weeks to get the heck out of Dodge, because this behind ain’t big enough for you and the other 10 pounds I’m trying to lose. Be warned 5-pounder, I’m going to sweat you off if it kills me. You’re time is up, amigo.

Be afraid…be VERY afraid.