The Brain Swirl – it is strong today

I feel bad because I haven’t been commenting on many blogs lately. I used to be the QUEEN of commenting – that’s why I started my own blog because I had so much to say!  Now it seems I barely have time to read blogs, let alone leave witty, insightful comments, so please forgive me if I haven’t left any words of wisdom. I’ve still been reading when I can, and maybe soon I can get back to my regularly scheduled commenting.

I’ve noticed something about myself lately in regards to some blogs. The bloggers who really (seem) to have it all together, ie. they are eating super healthy foods and working out regularly…well…they make me feel bad about myself (Relax Debby, I’m NOT talking about YOU!  🙂  ) Kind of like how I used to feel when I would read fashion mags way back in the day, except that instead of feeling inadequate about the size of my thighs, now I feel inadequate about the fact that I’m not eating raw, organic, non-processed foods.  I still eat crap y’all, way more than I like to admit (she says as she stuffs the funsize BabyRuth wrapper under the sofa cushion), and I haven’t worked out regularly in WEEKS.  I thought that if I read those kinds of blogs, that somehow magically it would rub off on me and all of a sudden I would be the type of mom who serves eggplant and spinach to eager veggie-eating kids. Um, yeah, that ain’t gonna happen, at least not for awhile anyway. I’ve decided that I’m just not there yet – I’m not ready to be there yet, and that’s okay.  I’m not that far along on my journey yet, so I think I need to just relax and deal with where I am right now. I like being in the trenches with my own people – the flawed, the ever-struggling, the “we will triumph…someday!” kind of folks. Where I am right now is fine, and I’ll continue to move forward, but without the guilt.

Wanna hear a weird story? Good.  A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a guy I dated TWENTY YEARS AGO.  It was completely out of the blue and at first it was just a nice conversation, but then he mentions that he felt really bad that we ended things on a sour note and he wanted to make amends. It has been bothering him ALL THIS TIME!  FYI, I broke up with him and I don’t think I was very nice about it, so why he felt he needed to make amends is beyond me. And also, the sad thing is that this guy has barely been a blip on my radar for the last 20 years – I rarely think of him.  Anyway, he went on and on about how awful it was when I left the small junior college we both attended, and how it took him a long time to get over me, etc etc.  And then he kept saying gushing “Oh Jill it’s so good to talk to you” and “it’s so good to hear your voice” and “I’m so glad I’m talking to you right now”, and it was the tone of his voice that caught me off guard – it wasn’t a friendly, light hearted tone, no, it was full of emotion and that’s when I started getting really uncomfortable with the whole conversation.  Apparently, he has been looking for me for awhile, and he had his MOM track me down on the internet (believe me, it wasn’t hard to do – it’s scary how much info is out there).  He is married and his wife knows about me, but I don’t think she was very happy about him contacting me. I don’t know if he just needed to get some things off his chest or what, but the whole thing has me a little freaked out. Maybe I’m making this out to be more than it really is, but what really has me freaked is that he showed up on FaceBook last week, and he sent me a Friend Request. Of course I ignored it, but then two days later, ANOTHER Friend Request shows up from him!  I have a feeling he is going to try and contact me again. I hope he doesn’t, but I can’t ignore this feeling.  I’ll let you know if anything else happens, because I feel like I need to have this documented somewhere and I guess this is as good a place as any.  Fun, huh?!

Finger Update:  I went back to the Orthopod(is that what they are really called, or is that just some doctor slang?)yesterday for a follow up and now it turns out that I need therapy (shut up) for my finger.  They are going to do somethings to it to desensitize the tip since it is still very sensitive.  He also mentioned that I might eventually need to have some of the bone shaved off because there is a tad bit of protrusion where the bone is pushing the flesh up, but that wouldn’t be for awhile, if we even do it at all. I hoped the Finger Saga would be over yesterday, but I guess it will continue for a little while longer. 

In other news, I’m a big baby who has to sleep with the light on when Shawn isn’t home.  He is away on a hunting trip (attn stalkers: I have a gun and I know how to use it) and every creak and pop of the house has me on high alert. I fixed this problem by leaving a light on in the kitchen which shines into the hallway so if any intruders come into the house I can see them before they see me. That way they won’t know what hit them when I put a cap in their ass.  Cuz I’m crazy like that (when I’m not busy being a big baby).  😉

Okay, well I guess that’s enough swirl for today.  Have a good Tuesday!  🙂



18 thoughts on “The Brain Swirl – it is strong today

  1. Hi Jill – I just started reading your blog recently and am enjoying hearing your story. I really related to your first paragraph today about feeling guilty about not being perfect, and trying to learn to relax and be OK with that. I’ve just recently started blogging and my biggest fear is that when the newness of the healthy lifestyle wears off (which it will – it always does), I will stop blogging because I won’t be able to write about positive changes – I applaud you for continuing to post when you are struggling and I hope I can do the same when the eventual fall off the wagon arrives! Thanks for being a great example.

    1. Hi Jill! DON’T EVER STOP BLOGGING! Believe me, it is the one thing that will pull you out of a funk – if it weren’t for the blogosphere, I would have quit this game a long time ago! Good luck!! 🙂

  2. Ohhhh, i’ve missed my swirly-brained friend. I’m not sure whether to be insulted or complimented that I am not included in the healthy eating working out regularly bloggers who have it all together. But you made me laugh so hard, and you don’t know HOW MUCH I needed a good laugh tonight!

    Eww about the stalker-boyfriend. Or was he always emotional and gushy?

    And eeks on the finger thing. Does that mean that your finger was so smashed that there is no longer the normal amount of padding on the end of your finger? Maybe you will be able to grow a new finger end eventually, like a starfish? I actually read an article about a guy who put something or other on the end of his finger stump every day and grew a new finger. Really. It was on the internet.

    Jill, don’t ever stop writing. You are so funny. Even though I am disappointed day after day when you don’t post, it is always worth the wait. Love ya!

    1. What I meant was that you aren’t one of the ones who makes me feel bad!! You are super awesome at your eating/working out, but I don’t feel shamed by you!! 😉

      1. And yeah, the EX – I had to think about it a little, but he was a very emotional person back then too! My BFF says I shouldn’t be so freaked (she knew him too) – he’s probably just been walking down memory lane!

  3. I’ve always think if I read enough about health, diet and fitness it will translate into weight loss but that never happens. It s*cks that we have to actually mimic what these successful people are doing to be successful ourselves. Who would have thought?

    I’m right there in the trenches with you – flawed, and ever-struggling. I can’t wait until “someday!”

    I would check the caller ID and avoid that ex like the plague.

    Have fun with finger therapy (sounds kind of dirty 😉

    I can never sleep when I’m home alone. B has guns but they are locked in a safe and it would be even more dangerous for me to handle them. I pity the fool who sneaks up on you in the dark.

  4. You can block people on Facebook. I’m really not sure how, but I know my friend blocked all of her ex boyfriends. If they try to look you up they get a big fat nothing. I suggest doing that if you don’t want to come right out and say “Look Dude. There is a very good reason that we have not spoken or hung out in the last 20 years. We’re both married to other people and you are skeeving me out!”
    The finger thing sucks and for the everloving life of me, I throw up a little at the thought of “desensitizing” your overly sensitive finger. Holy Crap! Good luck with that.

  5. That’s why I read the blogs of people that seem to have the health and fitness thing down. They inspire me!! They make me thing and question myself. They motivate me too.

  6. You can block people from seeing you even have a FB profile. I’ve done it. If you need help figuring it out feel free to email me. I think you go under privacy settings, then applications.

    It is weird how sometimes we mean more to others than they ever did to us. I unfortunatley have also had the pleasure of figuring this out. Yikes!! Best wishes.

  7. I wonder if it will surprise you that I ENTIRELY GET THAT.
    I have had a few talks recently with shauna, DietGirl, about what a challenge it has been for me to realize that I have ONE CHILD, NO PETS 🙂 and that many days it feels I DO and can MANAGE far less than so many other women bloggers I read.

    it took me ages (is taking me ages?) to realize that just because I CAN NOT DO WHAT THEY DO—-what *I* do is still enough.


    1. See Miz? It’s things like this that make me adore you!! And what you do is MORE than enough – the Tornado is so lucky to have such a rockin’ mama!! Thanks for “getting it”! 🙂

  8. The ex contacting you is a little weird. I would probably email him and say as gently as possible that you feel it is not appropriate to maintain a connection with him or facebook or otherwise. Tell him that you feel it would be disrespectful to your family and husband and then don’t respond to anything else from him. You’ll be doing his marriage a favor.

    I live alone, which is why I invested in a security system. No one is getting inside without me knowing about it! You may want to consider one. The peace of mind is nice.

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