It was a dark and stormy night. Super Agent Sassy Pear had received the package earlier that day, but had to wait until her unsuspecting husband had left the house before she could begin her latest secret mission. Agent SP stealthily made her way to the Secret Lair (which was cleverly disguised as an ordinary bathroom) where she could open the box in private. The box was plainly wrapped, but the contents inside were anything but ordinary, for this box contained the new Vaseline Sheer Infusion with Stratys3 lotions.
(cue suspicious ominous music) DUN DUN DUN!
Secret Agent SP read the note from Secret Agent Katie who worked for the very prestigious RocketXL Agency (cleverly disguised as a PR firm) and finally understood the mission at hand: test the lotions and give her opinion – the good, the bad, and the ugly truth – she was to hold nothing back. This would be difficult for Agent SP, for she truly wanted to love these lotions, all of them, but with such a complex name as Stratys 3, she wasn’t sure what to make of it. She flipped the lid open on the first scent: Vitamin Burst, and it was as she expected – a burst of citrus, but not overpowering, which was a good thing because she didn’t want to smell like her furniture cleaner. Next up was the Botanical Blend, the familiar waft of flowers filled her nose. Nice, but Agent SP isn’t really a flower girl, not since she gave up the life of a hippie chick all those years ago. Finally was the Mineral Renewal. Hmmm, “What does a mineral smell like?” she thought, as she lifted the bottle to her perky upturned nose. “Ahhh, it smells like heaven!” A little tropical, she recognized the hint of plumeria and was instantly transported back to the mission in Hawaii where she had a secret tryst with Kai, the secret agent stationed there. She remembered his soft silky hands and the way he lei’d her that evening… The rest of this sentence has been edited for content and time and complete irrelevance to the product review at hand.
*Ahem, is it a little warm in here? Sorry!*
Anyway, Secret Agent Sassy Pear then put the Stratys 3 Sheer Infusion lotion to the real test: The Skin Test. She applied the lotion to her dry, thirsty skin. It went on smooth and absorbed quickly, and then she went to bed – if the lotion could pass the all night sheet and blanket test, she would be sold. Agent SP awoke the next morning and ran her hand across her arm – it still felt silky smooth! She wore the lotion every day for the next week, trying the different scents but always coming back to the Mineral Renewal because of the warm thoughts of Kai the wonderful scent. The three varieties seemed to work the same, but there was one thing that troubled Agent SP. She really didn’t want to say anything negative about the lotion of which she had become rather fond, but more than anything she wanted to be honest, so she forced herself to face the truth. The only drawback she could find was that the Stratys 3 seemed to work a little too well. While her skin felt wonderfully moisturized, whenever she put on her Secret Agent Clothes her skin felt a little too dewey. Not sticky or greasy, just …damp, which she guessed might be a good thing for someone with very very dry skin, but for her was a little much. She decided she would probably really like this in summer when shorts and tanks are in season, and she might even need it during the cold hard winter when her skin begins to resemble that of Super Agent Allie Gator.
Agent SP decided that she liked the lotions for occasional use, like after shaving and even after the elusive “bath after the kids have gone to bed” which doesn’t happen nearly as often as she would like. She also decided that she would make known the secrets of Stratys3 to all the Other Secret Agents who might be reading this Super Secret Message: WARNING! This message will self-destruct as soon as you have finished reading it!! (Well not really, but it sounds good) Secret Agent SP hoped that her collegues had their Little Orphan Annie Secret Agent Decoder Rings out so they could decode this not-so-secret message:
New Vaseline® Sheer Infusion™ with Stratys-3™ body lotion is a breakthrough in moisturizing technology that delivers superior moisture across all skin’s layers of skin.
Stratys-3™, the most powerful, patented moisturizing complex on the market, combines three ingredients that infuse and suspend moisture across the skin’s top, core and deep down layers. This results in unprecedented hydration leading to better, more healthy moisturized skin and an unmatched silky skin feel. Clinical studies show that more hydration leads to improved skin softness, smoothness and quicker elimination of dry skin.
More information on this new Super Agent of Moisturizers can be found at www.vaselinesheerinfusion.com. All the pertinent info plus cool videos, coupons and a spa getaway contest are located there.
Super Agent Sassy Pear was satisfied that she had completed her mission successfully – and she wondered what her next mission would entail. She hoped it would involve chocolate and a certain Hawaiin Secret Agent, but only time would tell…