I don’t like today

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This day always makes me feel melancholy.  I hate this day. I hate what happened and I hate what it has done to my naiveté and my trust. I feel the same way about April 19th. I wasn’t in NYC, but I was in OKC when we heard the big blast. I will never EVER forget that sound and realizing later that night (after waiting 5 hours to give blood) that I knew the EXACT moment when all those lives ended was nearly more than my 24 year old self could handle.

 

Today at 38, it’s still nearly more than I can handle.

 

I can’t watch footage of either event. I don’t want to hear the stories. I don’t want to remember because even though I didn’t lose any loved ones (or even anyone I knew), there are so, so many people who did and I just cannot imagine going through that. My heart literally hurts for them and right now as I type this I can feel the lump in my throat, and I feel the tears stinging my eyes and I have a headache from trying so very hard not to cry.

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Sorry…had to take a little break there, but I’m okay now. 

 

Anyway, in my own pitiful way, I just want those people who lost children, spouses, parents, and friends to know that I haven’t forgotten. As much as I would like to, I will never forget.  

 

I’ll be back later with a more light-hearted post.

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10 thoughts on “I don’t like today

  1. I was all pissy because they cancelled my Zumba class without telling me and I was rehearsing my complaint in my mind, It’s in the FALL FLYER, and here it’s only SEPTEMBER 11th…

    and then I remembered all I lost today was a Zumba class.

    It makes me want to cry too but ever the optimist, I remember the way we all contributed money or time or blood, and what a good place to live this is, most of the time.

  2. I know exactly what you are saying…. all week…ugh, it’s the 9th….the 10th

    and this morning..it’s on my phone…it’s on my PC…it’s on my emails….

    Today is the 11th…I was at work when it happened…having flashbacks all week over that day, that I too will never forget

    glad you wrote your beautiful tribute!

    tears and all.

    we should never forget….it changed us as a nation forever.

  3. I’m the same way.
    I was living and working in NYC on that day, and I know of people that lost loved ones. It changed me, that day – both for the better and the worse.
    We can never forget.

  4. I know exactly how you feel. I haven’t worked on this date since because I can’t bring myself to go about the day and have to continuously type the date and act as if it doesn’t mean anything. I can’t watch the footage but I don’t need to because it is burned into my memory. We will never forget. Peace out.

  5. I’m bad about putting things in a box & stuffing them away so I don’t have to deal with them. 9/11 is one of those things. It’s not until I hear stories on NPR or on the news that it will hit me. I almost started crying this morning when I heard the father who lost two sons that day, one a firefighter & the other a police officer. Then I get to work & I just pretend like it’s all okay.

    Story of my life.

    I like your way better. Much more human. Much more feeling.

    I wonder if 100 years from now, people will still remember 9/11/01…..

    Hugs.

  6. Thanks for sharing that. I felt the same way, even though I was way across the country for both events…especially, for me, on 9/11/01, because my firstborn was only one day old. What a weird, mixed-emotions time…joy for my baby, grief for the events.

    Yes, I think people will remember 100 years from now, although they will not feel it as keenly as those who lived at the time.

  7. Thanks for the post. I personally try not to think about it. I know.. head in the sand. My sister was a block away when the first blast happened. Her and her partner had black ash and more rain on them. A company I used to work for was located in one of the buildings, but they all got out ok.

    I’m thankful that the people I know didn’t get hurt or worse. I’m sad and still angry that many more did. And I’m furious that George Bush started a war under the pretense of 9/11 events, and it’s completely something else.

    ARgh. Vee at http://www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

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