This day always makes me feel melancholy.  I hate this day. I hate what happened and I hate what it has done to my naiveté and my trust. I feel the same way about April 19th. I wasn’t in NYC, but I was in OKC when we heard the big blast. I will never EVER forget that sound and realizing later that night (after waiting 5 hours to give blood) that I knew the EXACT moment when all those lives ended was nearly more than my 24 year old self could handle.

 

Today at 38, it’s still nearly more than I can handle.

 

I can’t watch footage of either event. I don’t want to hear the stories. I don’t want to remember because even though I didn’t lose any loved ones (or even anyone I knew), there are so, so many people who did and I just cannot imagine going through that. My heart literally hurts for them and right now as I type this I can feel the lump in my throat, and I feel the tears stinging my eyes and I have a headache from trying so very hard not to cry.

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Sorry…had to take a little break there, but I’m okay now. 

 

Anyway, in my own pitiful way, I just want those people who lost children, spouses, parents, and friends to know that I haven’t forgotten. As much as I would like to, I will never forget.  

 

I’ll be back later with a more light-hearted post.