Things that tick me off

Standard

I’m tired today. I was tired yesterday. I think I crammed too much into one weekend, and now I’m paying for it, but that seems to be how I live my life since I went back to work almost 3 years ago. Two days a week just isn’t enough time to get everything done.

So since I’m feeling a bit tired and snarky, I thought I’d share with you some things that bug me, because Debby likes it when I’m snarky and I haven’t had a good “I’m ticked off at the world” post in a while.

Thing 1 – my boss has a few sayings that, around here, are legendary. He has a way of taking a well known saying or phrase and messing it up just enough to make it funny. I’ve thought of discretely correcting him, but then I wouldn’t have anything to snicker at while I’m at work. And here’s the rub, these are the things he says REPEATEDLY. A mistake once in a while is understandable, once a week is just hilarious.

• Liable = reliable. “The customer is RELIABLE for that charge.”

• Rape me over the coals = rake me over the coals. “He’s trying to rape me over the coals by charging that much!”

• Nip it in the butt = nip it in the bud

• Admit girl = Administrative Assistant (me)

• Surpassed = ??? “Maybe corporate will be surpassed with that information” I have no idea what he means by using this word – pacified, maybe?

• Flusterated = frustrated

• Accured = accrued. “you accure 1 vacation day for every 1.364 months of work”

• Proclaimer = disclaimer. “put a proclaimer in there that we aren’t reliable for that”

• Let dead dogs die = let sleeping dogs lie

No lie, people. You can’t make this stuff up.

 

Thing 2 – When my grumpy-ass husband fails to greet me in the morning in the manner to which I am accustomed: “Good morning, how’d you sleep?” Today I got, “I’m out of socks.” And “There’s no more paper towels” to which I replied, “I’m going to the store after work” to which he replied “well that doesn’t do me any good right now does it” to which I replied (in my head) “Stupid jerk-face!”. When he asked “what’s up your craw” I very loudly replied “YOU!” and then I stormed out the door and headed to work. Ah, yes it was a lovely morning in the Sassy Pear household! Luckily the kiddos were still asleep, so they couldn’t see how childishly their parents were acting. Don’t worry, he’ll apologize later, and so will I (with paper towels in hand) and all will be right in the world again. Until then though, he’s still a stupid jerk face.

 

Thing 3 – When I truly, madly, deeply want to go to bed early, but I can’t. Last night for instance – kids homework done, dinner dishes put away, Mallory already asleep in bed, everything finished by 8:45, so I could be in bed by 9pm. I brushed teeth, washed face, put on pjs and crawled into bed. I was in bed a full 30 seconds before Mallory started coughing… and coughing… and coughing. I got up and gave her some allergy meds (she gets the drainage thing going and then coughs – the allergy stuff usually clears it right up), and crawled back into bed. She continued to cough. And cough. And cough some more. The hubs went and got her and put her in our bed whereupon she woke up and decided sleepy time was over. I was thrilled. I’m not kidding you, it happens every damn time I think I’m going to get to bed early – one of the kids decides to have a coughing fit, or something else and I end up staying up later than usual, so the next day I am tired and cranky and irritable and no amount of coffee or heroine is going to get me moving or get me happy so here I am blogging about it because really, there’s no one else I can tell these things to without some considerate soul saying something really helpful like ‘get over it’ and then I have to kill them and end up in jail, and really, that just isn’t going to help anyone is it?

 

Sigh

 

I need a nap.

 

cute pictures of puppies with captions

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Things that tick me off

  1. Stupid-Jerk Face greets me sometimes in the morning too! Doesn’t it just start your day with a cheery sunshine feeling!

    I WISH my boss said really dumb lame-O things like that…would Liven things up a bit! Usually she’s just “out”

    some days a RANT post just feels so dang good!

    OH and I cannnooooooooooooooooot Stand being cranky tired! it’s hell!

    big big smiles to you Snarky!

  2. Wow. You’re a saint. For one thing I would be unable to NOT correct my boss if he was mangling sayings like that, aside from the fact it only makes me wonder why he’s the boss and you’re not. Perhaps that’s why I work from home…
    Secondly, hilarious! My hubby would be washing his OWN socks, and be given directions to the store if he came up with crap like that first thing in the morning.
    It’s so hard with sick kids, but kids with allergies are worse. Depending on how old she is, you could just give her a small dose of Benadryl before bed, (consult your Dr. of course) that might help dry up the post nasal drip (that’s what makes me miserable). Lozenges work well too, but only for older kids. If it is a regular thing I would talk to your Ped. because allergies suck. I keep an air purifier in my room (I think sleeping with a dog cancels it out though). I would not convict you should you feel the need to kill anyone that hands out crap like “Get over it”, which is neither considerate, nor helpful. You would totally walk if tried by a jury of your “peers”.
    Rock on Snarky Girl!

  3. Ooh, it would be hard to remain silent under those malapropisms. I hope your boss is good at his job 🙂

    Sorry you had a cranky day and no sleep. Trying to hold down a full time job and raise a family is very, very hard, especially if this expectation is that you will also do all the great stuff you did before you chopped 48 hours out of your week.

    Hope all is better tomorrow!

  4. Okay Jill, I don’t know if I have enough time to reply to this in one evening! To start, I had another lovely day, and at my friend’s house I was thinking about how I was looking forward to going home, and how that was such a nice feeling.

    When I got home I checked my blog, and saw your plea to change lives with me, and thought, something’s up in Sassyville, better check it out, and headed over to your blog.

    Jill, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! The only thing that could possibly have made it better was laughing in person with you. But picture Sophie doing the puppy race around the living room and behind the couch while I was laughing, and Oliver wagging as fast as he could because he thought it meant I was really pleased with him, which all just made me laugh more.

    Okay, I just reread the bossisms to try to pick out my favorite, and went off on another bout of hysteria. Stop it! Is it more funny or more tragic that these things are said by your BOSS?!?

    Okay, grumpy ass jerk face. All I got to say about that is that God knew what he was doing NOT marrying me off.

    And about the interrupted sleep, I am truly deeply sorry about that. You are right. Nothing can make up for that. Unless you could mainline ‘heroine,’ like wonder woman or something. (Picture more gales of laughter accompanied by much merriment amongst the canines.) Oh dear, I hope this makes you laugh, and doesn’t bring on more snarkiness. Come to think of it, that would be just fine with me. More merriment in the Schnabel household tomorrow!

    All my love to you Jill, and I will truly pray that you have a good night’s sleep tonight. But don’t ever completely give up your wonderfully wicked sense of humor!

  5. HAHAHA … I have a stupid boss too. How is it possible these idiots make the big money and we are stuck taking orders from them.

    A classic from my boss is: “what goes around, goes around.” I can’t help but correct him that “what goes around, comes around” but I don’t think he wants to admit it because karma is a b*tch.

    Hope you are having a better day today.

  6. Rape him over the coals? Hilarious!

    I used to work with a woman who used to get thing wrong all the time… My favorite was

    muriel = mural “I painted a lovely muriel in my bedroom this weekend.”

    Ignorance is bliss, I suppose?

  7. hy.ster.i.cal

    You should get an award for having to work with him!

    Hey – I want to adopt you as my WordPress big sis (even though I think we are the same age). How did you get your tag line in the header? And how do you reply to comments? I gots questions and I can’t figure out WordPress support. Help!

  8. Lori

    This was my favorite post ever! Your entire blog makes me feel like I’m not crazy and that other people are suffering from the same thing that I am! Keep up the good work! Love you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s