I’m tired today. I was tired yesterday. I think I crammed too much into one weekend, and now I’m paying for it, but that seems to be how I live my life since I went back to work almost 3 years ago. Two days a week just isn’t enough time to get everything done.
So since I’m feeling a bit tired and snarky, I thought I’d share with you some things that bug me, because Debby likes it when I’m snarky and I haven’t had a good “I’m ticked off at the world” post in a while.
Thing 1 – my boss has a few sayings that, around here, are legendary. He has a way of taking a well known saying or phrase and messing it up just enough to make it funny. I’ve thought of discretely correcting him, but then I wouldn’t have anything to snicker at while I’m at work. And here’s the rub, these are the things he says REPEATEDLY. A mistake once in a while is understandable, once a week is just hilarious.
• Liable = reliable. “The customer is RELIABLE for that charge.”
• Rape me over the coals = rake me over the coals. “He’s trying to rape me over the coals by charging that much!”
• Nip it in the butt = nip it in the bud
• Admit girl = Administrative Assistant (me)
• Surpassed = ??? “Maybe corporate will be surpassed with that information” I have no idea what he means by using this word – pacified, maybe?
• Flusterated = frustrated
• Accured = accrued. “you accure 1 vacation day for every 1.364 months of work”
• Proclaimer = disclaimer. “put a proclaimer in there that we aren’t reliable for that”
• Let dead dogs die = let sleeping dogs lie
No lie, people. You can’t make this stuff up.
Thing 2 – When my grumpy-ass husband fails to greet me in the morning in the manner to which I am accustomed: “Good morning, how’d you sleep?” Today I got, “I’m out of socks.” And “There’s no more paper towels” to which I replied, “I’m going to the store after work” to which he replied “well that doesn’t do me any good right now does it” to which I replied (in my head) “Stupid jerk-face!”. When he asked “what’s up your craw” I very loudly replied “YOU!” and then I stormed out the door and headed to work. Ah, yes it was a lovely morning in the Sassy Pear household! Luckily the kiddos were still asleep, so they couldn’t see how childishly their parents were acting. Don’t worry, he’ll apologize later, and so will I (with paper towels in hand) and all will be right in the world again. Until then though, he’s still a stupid jerk face.
Thing 3 – When I truly, madly, deeply want to go to bed early, but I can’t. Last night for instance – kids homework done, dinner dishes put away, Mallory already asleep in bed, everything finished by 8:45, so I could be in bed by 9pm. I brushed teeth, washed face, put on pjs and crawled into bed. I was in bed a full 30 seconds before Mallory started coughing… and coughing… and coughing. I got up and gave her some allergy meds (she gets the drainage thing going and then coughs – the allergy stuff usually clears it right up), and crawled back into bed. She continued to cough. And cough. And cough some more. The hubs went and got her and put her in our bed whereupon she woke up and decided sleepy time was over. I was thrilled. I’m not kidding you, it happens every damn time I think I’m going to get to bed early – one of the kids decides to have a coughing fit, or something else and I end up staying up later than usual, so the next day I am tired and cranky and irritable and no amount of coffee or heroine is going to get me moving or get me happy so here I am blogging about it because really, there’s no one else I can tell these things to without some considerate soul saying something really helpful like ‘get over it’ and then I have to kill them and end up in jail, and really, that just isn’t going to help anyone is it?
I need a nap.