So, after my little freak out Saturday night, I woke up with a sugar hangover: full, bloated, and headachy. It took awhile to get back to normal, but I finally went to the store last night and stocked up on fruit so I could make a big bowl of fruit salad to munch on. Strawberries, blueberries, and pineapples have never looked so beautiful!
It drives me crazy that after everything I have read, researched, and blogged about I still have days where I act like such a moron. I mean really, you would think I would know better by now, but apparently not. My freak out of choice this time was various types of Little Debbie snack cakes: Swiss Rolls and Nutty Bars to be exact. I think there was one other one, but I can’t remember what it was. I haven’t eaten these things in probably years, and so I guess that’s why when I bought them, I thought it would be no big deal to have them in the house. I was wrong. I took one bite of my daughter’s snack and proceeded to swan dive over the edge.
What strikes me as funny is that my kids have no problem with these snacks. They take them in their lunches to school or have one in the afternoon, but they aren’t held captive to them (or to any food really) like I am. I guess it’s a good thing they haven’t picked up on my neurosis (yet).
I think though, that I am going to go back to keeping homemade treats in the house, and really start experimenting with healthy versions of our favorite snacks. I cannot afford to go crazy again like I did Saturday.
In the comments of that post, Debby said something that I’ve been thinking about a lot and this also relates to what Laura said in those same comments: Debby said she is never satisfied with cookies – she always wants more. I had never thought of it that way – that I wanted more because I wasn’t satisfied. I always thought that they were SO satisfying that I had to have more! But what Debby says makes perfect sense. I want more because I’m not SATISFIED. Dingdingding! The lightbulb goes on! And as far as what Laura was saying: anything can be turned into a binge food – this is SO very true. So maybe it wasn’t exactly the LD’s that did it, maybe that just happened to be the most readily available food at the time.
The point is, I am a work in progress, and that progress is not going to go in a straight line. As much as I hate to admit it, I am going to go take more detours than I would like, but God willing, I will get there one day. And where is there? There is a place where I can look at a cookie and not HAVE to devour it. There is a place where working out becomes a natural part of my day – not something I have to force myself to do. There is a place where I can feel good about my choices most days. That’s where I want to be. I want to be there. Does such a place even exist? If it does, and if you live there, can you please draw me a map? Or at least send me a postcard? Thanks that’d be great.