I had a very light and healthy breakfast. I had a light and healthy lunch. I had an awesome workout this morning.


Then it all went to hell in a handbasket.


I think I have consumed and entire days worth of calories on C.R.A.P.


What is wrong with me? Seriously, why do I do this?




I’ve got a bottle of wine in my fridge that has been there unopened for a month. Why can’t I have the same restraint when it comes to unhealthy food?

I know I know, I shouldn’t buy the crap in the first place. But why do I feel the need to consume it JUST BECAUSE IT’S THERE??????

Sigh. I am so sick of playing this game over and over and over and over again.  Am I ever going to win? Ever?

11 thoughts on “WTH???

  1. We are broken people, Jill. We have been broken for a long time–50+ years for me. Some alcoholics can keep booze in their house and not have a problem with it, while others will consume everything in sight. Sometimes when I read a blog about something a ‘successful loser’ eats, I think, I should be able to eat that too. But I pretty much know what I can get away with and what I can’t. And for me, it is a little like what guides me in my spiritual life when I am bothered that another Christian gets away with something. And then I remind myself of what Jesus told Peter when he was bothered about a disciple he thought got away with something. He said, ‘Never mind him, YOU FOLLOW ME!’

    I’m not sure this makes much sense, but I think you have to figure out what you can and can’t deal with in your house. I was talking about this at work yesterday. Somebody brought some gourmet cookies in for us. And of course I had one. And then I was explaining to a friend about how I am never satisfied by cookies. They taste fantastic. But I ALWAYS want more, no matter how many I have. Literally, I am never satisfied. And even though I explained all this so well, I still went and had another half cookie, and then one more half cookie. But for some reason, I can be satisfied with a small piece of dark chocolate. Or any of my ‘diet’ type desserts or baked goods. Well now I am rambling, but I think you really have to look at that: figure out what it is that you can’t deal with, and don’t bring it in the house. So what if your kids never get to have HoHo’s again (That would be a trigger food for me) Gee, that would be terrible if they didn’t grow up to be tortured like you are.

    And really, Jill. Maybe its okay that you have days that you eat like crap. Maybe that’s just what your real life looks like. We all still love you, maybe even more than if you ate perfect everyday. ;))

  2. P.S. Maybe its a delayed reaction to yesterday’s stress! I’m so glad you are dry!

    P.S.P.S. I just re-read your entry. Any chance the bfast and lunch were TOO light?

  3. p.s.p.s.p.s. I just noticed on your little sidebar that I had 4 out of the last 5 comments, and the 5th comment was your reply to me. It made me laugh, but is a little worrisome. Really, I’m not cyber-stalking you!

    1. Debby – what would I do without you? 🙂

      Everything you have said makes total sense. I don’t know even know why I bought those things. Actually I do, I was in a hurry and the kids were begging and they were on sale, etc etc etc. I totally thought I could handle it, but obviously I was wrong. And yes, looking back now, I think bfast and lunch were too light. And you may be right about the previous day’s stress – it was a little nerve-racking.

      I’m trying to do some damage control today – I’ve already done a workout this morning, and I put some chicken and veggies in the crockpot to eat with brown rice at lunch (which is what I’m doing now) and for dinner I’m making veggie lasagna. I’m going to the store in a bit to load up on fruits that I can make into a fruit salad and some veggies I can dip into my hummus. I’m also going to get some good dark chocolate, because like you, I’m totally satisfied with one piece after I eat.

      I really don’t want to have days like that again, but I have this fear that I’m never going to “get it”. I may be learning these lessons the hard way for the rest of my life, but maybe by the time I’m 80 I’ll have it figured out!

      Oh by the way, I didn’t get your water mailed just yet – the snotty girls at the UPS store wanted to charge me over $100 to pack and ship the waters! So I’m repacking them and taking them to the good old Post Office tomorrow after work – so sorry for the delay!!


  4. don’t beat yourself up over one day. we ALL have those days. sometimes WEEKS! thing is, you recognize it, and are looking for the reasons, and although it may not be clear to you now, one day something will click, and you’ll be able to face it head on.

  5. I sure don’t have the answer to this one b/c I have the same problem. Debby’s response is awesome. There are definitely different trigger foods for everyone. But you know? If I’m stressed enough & need to soothe myself enough, I can turn anything into a binge food. For me, I don’t think I’ll ever truly be 100% healed. It’s contained, but it’s not gone. Like Debby, I’ll quote a Bible hero–even Paul had a life-long thorn in his life that he constantly struggled with. I’ll have to go find the passage where he talks about “why do I do what I know I shouldn’t do?” It’s very powerful, esp. when you apply it to your own life.

    Hang in there. What’s different now about these types of days is you’re writing about them and you’re catching them in their tracks before they take you into days & days worth of them.

    I’m so glad you are OK from the flooding. Do you guys have flood insurance? Our neighborhood gets flooded when it rains & rains, & it’s never gotten close to the house (although it’s gotten up into the yard & drive way) but a couple weeks of heavy rain could flood us. So a few years ago I got us flood insurance. It’s about $250 a year, but worth it just for the peace of mind in these rainy months.

  6. We are all having some of the same issues, or we wouldn’t be blogging about our efforts at weight loss. I think it is important for you not to beat yourself up about this, but to begin to make small changes in the way you shop for food, prepare things for the family, and make sure healthy things are on hand for a quick snack during your day. We have all had these issues at one time or another, but we are all working at changing our habits. These habits are hard to break, and sometimes hard to admit to. We can do this. With time and effort we WILL succeed. The very best of luck to you in your journey.

  7. Hey Jill
    You just had a little moment, it certainly hasn’t all gone to hell. I agree with deb – to light is no good either.
    I am the same with junk food. If its sitting in my cupboard, it nibbles at my mind constantly so just to get rid of it – I have to eat it all. There is no other way to get any inner head peace…
    You are on a good path. Its ok to stumble here and there.

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