Thanks for indulging me in my little pity party in my last post. I was so frustrated, but you all gave me some really good advice that I am going to follow. I realize that I am far beyond Square 1, but man, sometimes it feels so hard to pull yourself up when you get down, but that’s what I’ve got you guys for, right? You are awesome.I made a goals list and I’ll admit it’s slightly ambitious, but I figure if I can meet it at least 75% of the way, then I’ll still be in good shape. Here’s what it looks like:

• Keep calories around 1500 per day. Keep track by logging food into FitDay or by writing it down and looking up cals in my “big book of all numbers related to food”.
• Work out on elliptical at least 3x per week
• Do C25K training 3x per week
• Attempt 30 Day Shred 3x per week
• Assess these goals once a month and make changes as necessary

So, for right now, that’s the plan. Pay day is tomorrow, so I’ll be doing my big grocery shop tomorrow evening and stocking up on lots of veggies and fruit, nuts, and maybe a few little low sugar treats. I think that I really need to focus on portion control – yesterday I very stupidly sat down with a bag of Cheetos Puffs while catching up on my recorded episodes of House and ate waaaaay more than I needed or even wanted. I have noticed also lately that I’ve been eating a lot out of habit – not really the ACT of eating, but choosing foods that, even if they don’t sound good at the time, habit dictates that because it’s there, I should eat it. For example, I went to my mom’s house on Saturday and she  made a Red Velvet cake. I wasn’t hungry at the time and I didn’t really want a piece right then, but I couldn’t stop THINKING about the cake and how my body automatically felt like it SHOULD have a piece. I fought the urge for a couple of hours and then when I did have some, it was a small piece, but I still didn’t really want it. It was VERY good, don’t get me wrong, but I could have not eaten it and been just fine. I thought I had kicked all my old habits last summer, but alas, I was wrong.

The last two times that I lost a significant amount of weight, I can remember telling myself, “I will never go back”. I thought that I was strong enough and smart enough to keep the weight off for good, but weight is sneaky. One pound is no big deal, two pounds is no big deal, three pounds is blamed on water weight, four pounds is cause for concern, and at five pounds you decide that it’s time for action, only the momentum is strong enough now that five pounds turns to ten overnight and you can’t seem to stop the ball from rolling faster and faster. That’s where I am right now. I know logically that it’s up to me to stop it and I CAN stop it, but it feels like it takes a Herculean effort to stop the insanity and get back on track.

Basically what I need to do is bitch-slap myself and quit whining and making excuses and just do what I know I need to do! I’m going to try to follow my Goals List the best I can and hopefully start seeing results soon. My 20 year High School Reunion is in 4 months and I would love love love to lose 20 pounds by then. It’s doable, but it’s going to take a lot of effort on my part. Time to channel that inner Drill Sargeant of mine I think.