Wading through the mud and the muck.

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Thanks for indulging me in my little pity party in my last post. I was so frustrated, but you all gave me some really good advice that I am going to follow. I realize that I am far beyond Square 1, but man, sometimes it feels so hard to pull yourself up when you get down, but that’s what I’ve got you guys for, right? You are awesome.I made a goals list and I’ll admit it’s slightly ambitious, but I figure if I can meet it at least 75% of the way, then I’ll still be in good shape. Here’s what it looks like:

• Keep calories around 1500 per day. Keep track by logging food into FitDay or by writing it down and looking up cals in my “big book of all numbers related to food”.
• Work out on elliptical at least 3x per week
• Do C25K training 3x per week
• Attempt 30 Day Shred 3x per week
• Assess these goals once a month and make changes as necessary

So, for right now, that’s the plan. Pay day is tomorrow, so I’ll be doing my big grocery shop tomorrow evening and stocking up on lots of veggies and fruit, nuts, and maybe a few little low sugar treats. I think that I really need to focus on portion control – yesterday I very stupidly sat down with a bag of Cheetos Puffs while catching up on my recorded episodes of House and ate waaaaay more than I needed or even wanted. I have noticed also lately that I’ve been eating a lot out of habit – not really the ACT of eating, but choosing foods that, even if they don’t sound good at the time, habit dictates that because it’s there, I should eat it. For example, I went to my mom’s house on Saturday and she  made a Red Velvet cake. I wasn’t hungry at the time and I didn’t really want a piece right then, but I couldn’t stop THINKING about the cake and how my body automatically felt like it SHOULD have a piece. I fought the urge for a couple of hours and then when I did have some, it was a small piece, but I still didn’t really want it. It was VERY good, don’t get me wrong, but I could have not eaten it and been just fine. I thought I had kicked all my old habits last summer, but alas, I was wrong.

The last two times that I lost a significant amount of weight, I can remember telling myself, “I will never go back”. I thought that I was strong enough and smart enough to keep the weight off for good, but weight is sneaky. One pound is no big deal, two pounds is no big deal, three pounds is blamed on water weight, four pounds is cause for concern, and at five pounds you decide that it’s time for action, only the momentum is strong enough now that five pounds turns to ten overnight and you can’t seem to stop the ball from rolling faster and faster. That’s where I am right now. I know logically that it’s up to me to stop it and I CAN stop it, but it feels like it takes a Herculean effort to stop the insanity and get back on track.

Basically what I need to do is bitch-slap myself and quit whining and making excuses and just do what I know I need to do! I’m going to try to follow my Goals List the best I can and hopefully start seeing results soon. My 20 year High School Reunion is in 4 months and I would love love love to lose 20 pounds by then. It’s doable, but it’s going to take a lot of effort on my part. Time to channel that inner Drill Sargeant of mine I think.

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9 thoughts on “Wading through the mud and the muck.

  1. Wow.. this was like reading into my own mind. I’m right there with you and knowing what i need to do, and all it seems i end up doing is whining about this and that, when it’s ME that needs to get her stuff together!

    best of luck! we can get on, fall off, and get on that wagon again and again!! at least we’re not giving up! 🙂

  2. First off, congratulations on 140 workout minutes!!!

    Second, you seem so hard on yourself…but you’re still in the game. You are trying, you are working out, and you are acknowledging the truth–all that is good stuff.

    I just transformed my living room into a gym. Unsightly. But oddly effective. I’m trying to reward all my positive efforts and build from there…now that spring is here, the weather helps motivate me (fear of swimsuits).

    Oh Jill, please be gentle with Jill! She’s great and we like her 🙂

  3. You & me both girl!!!! The difference this time is–you’ve got all of us. Truly, it’s a big deal to have the accountability & support. You can DO THIS! So can I.

    I want to weigh 140-145 (140, really, but I’m scared I can’t make it so I’m putting it in a “range”–what a head game) by the time we leave for St John on June 13. So you & I need to lose about the same amount in about the same time frame. Let’s get our booties in gear!

  4. Mark Salinas

    Fantastic accomplishments! Fantastic goals! I like to remind myself that a shuffle backwards here and there is part of being human! Go strong!

  5. That paragraph where you described the weight sneaking back on is too true. And it is so hard to get back up and do what we did to lose the weight. I really think it is a kind of addiction, and I think its a miracle that I lost weight in the first place.

    Gonna go read some more of my ‘maintenance books!

  6. WOW … I know how true that is … fat is a sneaky b*tch who doesn’t like being lost. Don’t let the b*tch back in your life. Be strong – you can do it!

  7. Had to come back over and comment on your comment on my blog–” so I would say I’m just very fond of sugar. Very, very fond.” Total belly laugh, Jill. Thanks!

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