Square One

This has been a crazy busy week and I’m so glad it’s almost over. I’m really looking forward to waking up late tomorrow and watching the snow fall – yeah, we’re supposed to get snow! Winter’s a stubborn little kid who just has to get the last word in.

Not a lot happening here. I’ve been working out fairly consistently – putting my running shoes and my elliptical to good use, but my food has been awful. The last year might as well have never existed because I have fallen smack dab in the middle of my old ways. I’m eating crap that 6 months ago I would never have considered eating, ie the corndogs we had for dinner last night. I should have my Mother of the Year card revoked because I fed my family corn dogs and mac and cheese for dinner with nary a veggie in sight. Can you get much crappier than that? I don’t think so. It’s getting close to payday which means the kitchen pantry is at code yellow – not a whole lot to choose from in there. But really that’s just an excuse: I’ve been really lazy about my food. It’s so hard to get back on track when you dive head first off the wagon. I’m still thinking about South Beach again, but then I think I just need to watch my calories, but I don’t want to fill my 1500 cals with brownies and ice cream. I’m going to start my loggin my food into FitDay (again) and see if that doesn’t open my eyes a little bit.

I really think that if I could learn to live without sugar, I’d be golden. But the thought of giving up sugar sends me into a near panic. I’m serious – whenever I read literature about giving up sugar entirely I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest and my pulse quickens. Cutting out sugar and sweets and junk food is almost a foreign concept to me – I can’t quite wrap my brain around it, and I’m not sure I really want to. This sounds weird to say, but I feel like sugar is part of my identity. Being a sugar-holic is a big part of who I am. Other people may not see it, but I know it. Sweets bring me more joy than I would care to admit. Isn’t that sad?

I feel like I am back at square one. I hate starting over.

*Today’s little ray of sunshine of a post brought to you by the letters P,M, and S.

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10 thoughts on “Square One

  1. i would try to find sweet alternatives. you can find so many sugary and chocolately snacks, like pudding, Hershy’s kisses, fruit snacks and the like that will curb the sugar fix and still keep you within your calorie count without going overboard.

    as far as the corndogs and mac and cheese thing. as a busy mom, i know not every dinner i make is totally and completely ‘balanced’ and it can be hard, especially when they LIKE that stuff. But tossing them an apple for an after dinner snack, or carrots w/ranch as a snack as they watch tv is a good way, at least for my son, to get the nutrition in where they don’t feel like you’re MAKING them eat the good stuff!

    Good luck hon! life is about recognizing and picking ourselves back up and back in the game! 🙂

  2. But you’re not starting back at square 1 at all. Maybe you’re not making the BEST food choices but you’re aware and that’s more than any of us really were at square 1.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. Nobody’s expecting perfection 100% of the time and you should be either. Life happens. PMS happens. This is not a game of snakes and ladders where one bad step means you negate everything you’ve achieved.

  3. You will get there, you will. For me, I’m a weight watchers fan. I too don’t want to cut out sugar and junk food (but to cut is WAY back). The points system lets me do it. Big fan over here.

    Most programs work though, if you do them right. I just couldn’t do most/any of the others for a lifetime. You know what is best for you!

  4. Jill, you made me chuckle out loud in the lobby of the hotel at 6 am before I even had a drink of coffee. The last line…through my bleary eyes, I thought, ‘what???’ and then I got it-LOLLOL!!

    Anyways, I get completely what you are saying. This week, part of me feels virtuous because I am not eating sweets all day long like some of my family, but I am having dessert every night, and I get what you say about it being part of my identity. Last night I even asked my brother the same thing–how do you get back on track and eat right to lose the weight after eating like this (he is the disciplined eater/exerciser but he has been eating junk food this week.)

    I feel the same about sugar. I don’t think it will do for me to give it up completely, but I do try sugar free things because I think if I like them, they won’t lead me to wanting more quite as much as sugar things (like SF pudd, SF chocolate, SF tapioca.)

    Boy will I be glad to be safe at home instead of in the big city where desserts rule (me!)

  5. Snow? No way! Should I even mention that I am wearing shorts right now? LOL But it’s supposed to get down in the 40s tonight. Brrr.

    It’s so easy to fall off the proverbial wagon. It’s much harder to drag yourself back on it. But I am sure you can do it.

    I couldn’t even imagine going back to South Beach. I have to have my sweets, breads and pasta. I wouldn’t be me without it. haha
    But you can find healthy alternatives. For instance, you had corn dogs. Get the Morning Star Corn Dogs. I like them better than the regular corn dogs!
    There are also all kinds of sweets that are low in calorie. It’s about making the right choices, eating in moderation and exercising. 🙂
    You can do it!
    Kelly
    http://happytexans.blogspot.com/

  6. I’ve been following your blog for a few months now. It’s so good to know that someone else out there goes into panic over having to give up something food related. Mine happens to be diet coke.
    There have been many nights IN A ROW that my children haven’t seen the sight of a vegetable or a fruit for that matter. Since I don’t make it a priority for myself, I don’t make it a priority for them.
    Thank you for being honest and keeping it real!

  7. You are so not alone. I have no freaking idea what I’m going to do about my food. I want to do the crack diet again, but I think–do I really have the time & energy to be that strict? I thought about buying the South Beach book, and then thought why do I need another diet book? I thought, I’ll just cut back & not eat at night, and then smacked myself in the head and said, yeah, how’s that been working for you so far? I don’t know what I’m going to do. But none of my clothes from last summer are going to fit right. They’ll fit, they just look awful on me. I need to lose 10 pounds in 5 weeks, before the Indy half. I need to lose 15-20 pounds by June 14, our trip to St John, so I’ll look amazing & feel great on my once in a lifetime vacay. Those types of deadlines are recipes for disaster! I just don’t know what I’m going to do. So, I feel ya sister.

    We can’t give up, though. We won’t.

    I can’t imagine giving up sugar completely. How would you ever celebrate your birthday? Or Christmas? Or Easter? Or Friday? There’s sugar in margarita mix–’nuff said. 🙂

  8. I dunno, it doesn’t sound like you’re at “square 1”, since you’re working out consistently.

    I hear you on the sugar thing. But I think that you could probably reduce it in your way of eating without giving it up completely. It’s not always easy, but it is doable. Some things that helped me:
    – Being particular: going for something with a more intense flavor and less sugar (dark chocolate), and spreading it out over a few days, rather than going for something with more bland flavor. Saying “no” to ubiquitous, cheap, store-bought sheet cake and “yes” to a small piece of homemade cake now and then.
    – Finding some other sugar-free or reduced sugar items or fruit as a first choice when I want a little something sweet.
    – Sharing desserts. I can usually get my husband or my kids to finish something for me, or share theirs with me.

  9. PMS? For crying out loud, treat yourself to a slice of GRACE! We all make mistakes, so just go walk it off 🙂 Don’t come down too hard on yourself. When those moments happen, go look at your progress pictures 😉

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