This has been a crazy busy week and I’m so glad it’s almost over. I’m really looking forward to waking up late tomorrow and watching the snow fall – yeah, we’re supposed to get snow! Winter’s a stubborn little kid who just has to get the last word in.

Not a lot happening here. I’ve been working out fairly consistently – putting my running shoes and my elliptical to good use, but my food has been awful. The last year might as well have never existed because I have fallen smack dab in the middle of my old ways. I’m eating crap that 6 months ago I would never have considered eating, ie the corndogs we had for dinner last night. I should have my Mother of the Year card revoked because I fed my family corn dogs and mac and cheese for dinner with nary a veggie in sight. Can you get much crappier than that? I don’t think so. It’s getting close to payday which means the kitchen pantry is at code yellow – not a whole lot to choose from in there. But really that’s just an excuse: I’ve been really lazy about my food. It’s so hard to get back on track when you dive head first off the wagon. I’m still thinking about South Beach again, but then I think I just need to watch my calories, but I don’t want to fill my 1500 cals with brownies and ice cream. I’m going to start my loggin my food into FitDay (again) and see if that doesn’t open my eyes a little bit.

I really think that if I could learn to live without sugar, I’d be golden. But the thought of giving up sugar sends me into a near panic. I’m serious – whenever I read literature about giving up sugar entirely I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest and my pulse quickens. Cutting out sugar and sweets and junk food is almost a foreign concept to me – I can’t quite wrap my brain around it, and I’m not sure I really want to. This sounds weird to say, but I feel like sugar is part of my identity. Being a sugar-holic is a big part of who I am. Other people may not see it, but I know it. Sweets bring me more joy than I would care to admit. Isn’t that sad?

I feel like I am back at square one. I hate starting over.

*Today’s little ray of sunshine of a post brought to you by the letters P,M, and S.