An Open Letter to my Inner Saboteuse

Dear Saboteuse,

Your recent stay inside my head was quite welcome at first, I will admit, but you kept inching closer and closer to the line, and then last night you finally crossed over it. I cannot allow you to destroy what I have worked so hard to build. You are hereby given notice that you are no longer welcome and must leave immediately. And it would be great if you could take all those extra calories with you on your way out.



Something clicked in my head last night and I decided to stop the insanity. TOM* also arrived, so I don’t know if that had anything to do with it, but all of a sudden I just decided that enough was enough. I think the fact that I hid in the bathroom cramming M&M’s in my mouth triggered a red flag that said “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!” I hid not because I didn’t want anyone to see what I was eating; I hid because I did not want to share. Sad, isn’t it? The last 10 days I have been feeling…disordered? That’s the word that comes to mind. The things I’ve done lately are things I haven’t done in years (buying candy bars, hiding when I eat, eating until I’m over-stuffed) and I’m not sure why they are resurfacing. Like I said, last night a switch was flipped in my brain and I feel like I am back to the old new and improved self. I don’t know if it was hormones, stress, or both that caused my food freak-out, but I feel much calmer and more in control today.


I know I’m not the only one who is under stress, because lots of Stress Reducing articles and books are floating around the internet. I’ve been asked to review a book called The Stress Eaters Diet (look for that in a couple of weeks), and I came across an article by Karly Pittman of First Ourselves that talks about reducing anxiety and stress by leaving yourself margins. Margins like allowing yourself extra time in the mornings so you aren’t hurried and extra money in savings so that when something breaks (and it always does) you won’t send yourself into a panic about how you’re going to pay for it. Go here if you want to read the full article – it really made a lot of sense to me.


I did Jillian’s workout again last night and this time THE HUBS DID IT WITH ME!!!! Yes, that’s right, I peeled my husband away from Yahoo Dominoes and he worked out with me. I think he underestimated how hard it was going to be, but by the 2nd circuit, he was sweating buckets! At the end he told me he was impressed with me for keeping up with it and I’m sure I beamed at the compliment. It was really great to be able to do that together and feel that sense of accomplishment. I’m going to keep after him to work out with me – it’s so much easier if someone is suffering through it with you!


My son’s 12th birthday is today (sniff sniff, I can’t believe he is TWELVE!!), so tonight is the family party at Mazzio’s. I plan on having a salad and teeny piece of cake, and then depending on what time we get home, I’ll do the 30DS again. Tomorrow, while the hubs takes my son and his friends to play Laser tag, I’m going to try to go running again. It’s hard to go during the week, but I think it will be easier to run during the week when it stays lighter outside longer. For now, I’ll just have to keep my running to the weekends.


So that’s it for me today…I may try to squeeze in a post this weekend sometime, just so I can keep myself accountable. Happy Friday everyone!

*Are you sick of me talking about TOM? I am. I promise to not bring it up anymore…at least until next month. 😉

6 thoughts on “An Open Letter to my Inner Saboteuse

  1. Good morning, Jill! Good for you. Now go to the store and stock up on all those good healthy foods you like. Wave a poignant fond farewell to the candy aisle as you walk on by. (That’s how I still feel every time I go to the store…)

    But seriously, M&M’s, and not wanting to share–there’s nothing insane about that at all.

    And “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!”–I actually used that for the title of a blog post. But I never wrote the blog!

    Habanada, my friend. See you on Monday! The Shred is killing me, in a good way. I don’t think I can do it every day, unless I back off on the weights I am using.

  2. This just shows how far you’ve come – being able to have that moment where everything ‘clicks’.

    I’m still a-waiting my DVD arrival and getting super jealous of you! I’m hoping it arrives today or at the latest on Monday so I can join in the bucketloads of sweat!

  3. Well done for deporting that darned Saboteuse to the salt mines in Siberia! I’m glad you’re feeling better. We always have to be on the alert for old habits and behaviors that might want a way back in!

  4. What an awesome example for so many other people who struggle with eating issues: Out-of-control moments may happen, but that they don’t have to be a one-way ticket to an out-of-control lifestyle.

    That’s so cool that one day you could be secretly scarfing M&M’s in the bathroom, but then you could totally re-take control and get back on track.

    And I love the fact that the hubs did the workout too and found it challenging!

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