Moving Forward

This has been kind of a tough week. This has also been the week of nonstop chocolate. Chocolate candy bars, chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream…All chocolate All the time.

 

I’m scared.

 

One of my supervisors, whom I adore by the way, uses the phrase “moving forward” a lot, as in “Moving forward, let’s get those reports in before the end of the month” or “I know we did it that way in the past, but moving forward, I would like it to be done this way.”  I’ve heard Vicki say several times that she stops reading bloggers who aren’t moving forward in regards to making healthy changes.  This phrase – moving forward – has been plaguing me all week.  It’s like a short commercial jingle that gets stuck in your head – all day long you’re singing “Byyyyy Mennen” (thank you Jerry Seinfeld) or something like that.  It’s almost as if my gut is telling me, “You need to think about this and decide if you want to move forward or backward” because lately my actions are mimicking the actions of two years ago when I gained 25 pounds in a short amount of time.

 

I don’t want to go back there. It’s a dark and scary place.

 

I was watching Oprah yesterday and Suzanne Somers was on talking about hormones and menopause and such and she mentioned something about “it’s the quality of our lives we’re talking about here”. That phrase struck me and as I stood there in front of the television, I thought to myself, “my quality of life right now sucks.  I’m tired, I’m bitchy, and I feel like crud.  I don’t want to this to be the quality of my life.”  I realized that what I have been eating lately has everything to do with how I feel.  If I eat crap, I’m going to feel like crap.  What’s so frustrating is that I KNOW THIS. I’ve known it for two years now, but how many times do I have go through this before I finally get it???  How long do I have to keep beating my head against a wall before I can stop myself and say “if I beat my head against this wall I’m going to have a headache – I should probably stop doing that”????  That’s what moving forward means to me: not only recognizing that I can’t eat junk all the time,  but also having the presence of mind to say, ‘don’t even start – you know where this road leads” whenever I think junk will make it all better.

I know we all have slip ups, and I’m not talking about those times when you want a brownie because your friend is having one. I’m talking about having a brownie (or two or three) everyday for a week (or a month) because you just don’t give a damn and everything else is so hard, and “why shouldn’t I have one – it’s been a hard week and I deserve it”.  Then I finally regain consciousness and am so pissed at myself for once again going down the road to sugar hell and having nothing but a few extra pounds to show for it.  When will I get it that this is FOR LIFE?  Living a healthy, active life does not include plowing through a bag of Doritos, washing it down with a milkshake, and having a Snickers chaser every time you have a bad day!!!  I’ve even come up with a term for this behavior: destructive eating.  It destroys what I have worked so hard to build up – my weight loss, my self esteem, my confidence, all in the space of a few days.

I decided last night that I’m done with the destructive eating.  The weather is supposed to be very nice this weekend and I hope to get in a run and, God-willing, my Jillian Michaels dvd will be delivered.  I know that a good workout or two will do wonders for my attitude and my appetite.  I don’t want to slide backwards or stay stuck where I am right now.  I want to move forward.  I want to keep moving forward.

Get your shred on

Okay well I still haven’t received my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD yet, but let’s go ahead and set a start date for the Shred Challenge. We will start on Monday Feb 2nd (which is also my niece, Krysten’s birthday – Hi Krysten!!) and here are the guidelines for the Challenge:

• Do the Shred dvd at least 3 times a week. If you can do more great, if you can do it every day for 30 days, you are a workout SupahStar and deserve a parade in your honor (doesn’t mean you’ll get one, but you sure deserve one!!).

• Check in on my blog every Monday to post the previous weeks number of workouts. We are working on the honor system here, people, so don’t post a number like 56 workouts in a week or I’ll…um…be slightly suspicious. (I can’t think of a good “or else!” threat right now)

• At the end of 30 days (March 3) whoever has the most workouts completed will win a prize. I have no idea what the prize is yet, but I’ll try to make it something good. If you have any ideas, feel free to share.  If there needs to be a 2nd and 3rd place prize, we could work that out too.
Here’s a list of people who have said they want to participate:

Doc Manette
Eileen
Laura
Gemfit
Debby
White Flower
Krysten
Jill (me)

There’s still time to join, so send me an email or just leave a comment on this post and I’ll add your name to the list.

Happy Shredding gang!!

 

ETA:  if you haven’t received your DVD by Saturday, let me know (I got your comment Gemfit), and if we have to we can always push the start date to Feb 9th.   I want everyone to have a chance to get in on this. 😉

A little ticked

Ten days (exactly) before my TOM, I turn into a raging biotch.  Add to that a really stressful day at work, plus the Jillian’s no show in my mailbox equals a really cranky me tonight.  

I stopped at the convenience store on the way home and bought 4 candy bars.  I ate two of them in the car.  Do you know how long it has been since I ate full size candy bars?  Longer than I can remember.  But today was one of THOSE days and I caved. 

Did it help?  Sort of, for a minute.  But now I”m still in a super cranky mood AND I’ve 500 cranky calories that I need to burn, but for some reason I STILL DON’T HAVE MY 30 DAY SHRED DVD.  This is starting to get annoying.  What up wif dat Amazon?

Oh, and did I mention I”m getting a cold?  Yeah, cause I need one more thing to piss me off! 

sigh.

Tomorrow is another day.   I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. 

Pity me.

Ice Storm Revisited

I’m sitting here in my sweatshirt and track pants and fuzzy socks because I am not at work today.  Today I am blogging from home due to the inch of ice and sleet covering EVERYTHING.   Schools are closed, businesses are closed, and thankfully, my place of employment is closed as well.   The power is still on (knock wood) so the family and I are just hanging out.  I really hope this ice storm isn’t as bad as the last one.  Don’t think I could handle multiple days of no power again. 

Here’s the view from my front porch – no that’s not snow, it’s ICE. 

Brrr!

Brrr!

 

We took pity on the poor birds and threw some birdseed out to them…

Eat it up birdie!

Eat it up birdie!

 

Today is one of those days where you just want to snuggle up under a blanket and watch movies and eat all day long, but I’m determined to NOT do that.  I’ve got Cardio Blast on FitTV coming on at 4pm today and of course there’s always the laundry to be done.  I may even clean out a closet if I get super motivated.  I want to keep busy today and keep my mind off of snacking and noshing and munching.  I really hoped Jillian would be waiting for me when I came home yesterday, but alas, there was no 30 Day Shred in my mailbox, but I’m sure I can find plenty of other things to do to keep me moving. 

I may be home tomorrow too (and possibly the day after that), so I’m sure you will see another post from me then (if I can beat my kids to the computer!).   Have a good day everyone!

Attention! May I have your attention please!

I”m interrupting your Saturday for an important announcement! 

Today I ran outside.  

Let me repeat that again.

TODAY I RAN.   OUTSIDE.   IT WAS TWENTY-SIX DEGREES!!!!!!!

For those of you who don’t quite understand the awesomeness of this, let me clarify:  this girl who ran outside in subfreezing temperatures today is the same girl who shivers when it’s 70degrees outside.  This is the girl who sleeps with socks on underneath 3 blankets.  Now do you see why this is cause for celebration???!!!

Today I made that decision that I was  going to run, somehow, somewhere come hell or high water.   It’s cold today, but the sun is out and the wind wasn’t blowing too hard. I decided that I would try to run in the local park, which has a good trail, or if I couldn’t handle the cold I would run at the rec center.  I wore some tights, my track pants, a tee shirt, a long sleeve tee shirt, a light jacket, and a heavy fleece jacket over all that.  I had on my headband that covers my ears, a hat, and gloves.  The only thing that got cold was my face, but when I wasn’t running into the wind, it was fine.   It’s a half-mile trail and I probably walked more than I ran, but the great thing was that there was no one else there – we had the park all to ourselves: me, David Cook, and about fifty thousand geese.  I had to watch out for the droppings, but they mostly concentrated at the east end of the trail, so that was okay. 

It.  Was.  Awesome.

I’m not exactly sure how many times I went around the park – maybe 5 or 6, so that would be about 3 miles, right?  Of those three miles I probably walked a little over half, but that’s okay.  Just the fact that I got out there was a small personal victory. 

So in conclusion, I pretty much rock today.  I have a new place to run and plenty of gear to keep me warm.  Could this be the year that I become a bona fide runner?????   I hope so. 

 

You may now return to your regularly scheduled Saturday.  🙂