Unsatisfied, dissatisfied,unsatisfication

I sit here at my computer checking and rechecking all the blogs on my favorites list in search of…something.  I’m not even sure what I’m searching for:  motivation, inspiration? I don’t know.  All I know is that lately I am unsatisfied.  Maybe unsatisfied is not the right word…maybe apathetic? Not really, because I feel very strongly that I want to feel…something, I’m just not sure what that something is.  So I guess un-satisfied is the word (is it really even a word?) that is best used to describe my current mental/emotional state.  Blogging used to be a very satisfying experience for me, as was reading other people’s blogs (don’t get me wrong – I still love to read YOUR blogs) but the last few weeks, I just don’t feel the urgency to write/read like I used to.  How can I best explain this malaise?  Think of it this way, you know you want to eat something, but you don’t know what you are in the mood for, so you go from the refrigerator to the pantry and back again, hoping something will suddenly appear and you’ll say AHA!  THAT’S what I’m hungry for! Only, nothing pops out at you and so you wear a visible trail in the linoleum going back and forth between the fridge and the pantry.  

 

My intake of all things junky has jumped exponentially and in direct correlation to that, the number of workouts I have completed has dwindled.  I’m worried about this because as the weather gets colder and grayer, my desire to do anything healthy goes down the tubes, and I soooo do not want to regain any of the weight I have lost.  And it could happen so easily, I recognize that. 

 

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was really consistent with my workouts and getting them done NO MATTER WHAT, and then Merry or Crabby (I can’t remember which one) over at Cranky Fitness asked the question “how do you stay motivated to work out” or something along those lines.  I was feeling empowered and rattle off my answer and from that moment on, I’m not kidding here, my mojo flew out the window.  And it hasn’t come back yet.  It’s like the universe said, “oh yeah? Feeling a little cocky are we? Well how bout we knock you down a peg or two!” and BLAM!  No more motivation.  At all. Anywhere.  I’ve eaten my weight in Cheetos and Oreos (and I don’t even like Oreos that much) and anything else I can get my hands on, and no I’m not even PMSing.  I know my lack of exercise is fueling my desire for sugar and salty carbs, which in turn makes me feel so sluggish that I don’t want to work out, etc etc etc.  It’s a cycle not easily broken, which brings me to the point of today’s post. 

 

Part of the problem is that I have only two windows of opportunity to walk.  Either I get up early in the morning (4:45 am) and do a 35 minute walk or I do it as soon as I hit the door after work. I have about 1 hour to get it done in the afternoon before the family demands set in, after that it ain’t happenin.  Lately I am so tired in the mornings, that I just shove my alarm clock under the covers so I don’t hear it, then I wake up in a panic and have to hurry to get ready for work.  If I decide to do it in the afternoon, I’m usually so tired by the time I get home that I just want to relax in front of Oprah and have a snack. 

 

Exercising at lunch time is not really a viable option because I only get 30 minutes for lunch and since I work in a refinery-type place, there isn’t a good place to walk. 

 

Wow, that sounds like a lot of excuses, I know, but really this is what I’m working with here.  So tell me, oh wise and all-knowing blogosphere, what do I do?  How do I overcome this?  Really if I could have MizFit come over, drag my azz out of bed every morning and direct me in a heart pumping workout,  that would be great (you don’t mind do ya Miz? Texas is right next to Oklahoma!).  But other than that, what would you suggest?  I want to hear from you on this one, so let’s have it, people!  Help a sistah get her mojo back!! 

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7 thoughts on “Unsatisfied, dissatisfied,unsatisfication

  1. girlfriend I SO WOULD!
    and, in return, ask that you berate me for climbing on the stationary bike again (year 8 :)) and not deciding that THIS IS THE MORNING I SUCK IT THE HELL UP AND RUN IN THE DARK.

    I really am up at the crack (typically 4ish to work…more typically 🙂 430) and one hundred percent because i know that if I dont workout (and work) then it aint happening AND (*this totally was the ah ha! moment for me) I finally realized that IM WIPED at the end of the day if I get up at 430.

    and Im WIPED AT THE END OF THE DAY if Im up at 5.

    in that you getting up to do your walk for 35 minutes wont make you more tired. wont REALLY make you more rested (eh, whats 35 more min in the scope of how wiped we are? :)) and you will be PUMPED UP when youre done.

    physially and mentally.

    love and nags,

    M.

  2. So here’s some advice from my friend, Carol’s blog, re: “acedia” (see Debby’s blog ab/ this, too). I put this up on my bathroom mirror because I tend to feel this way a lot, myself:

    In the end her (Kathleen Norris) remedies for acedia are simple:
    Go for a walk.
    Memorize Scripture.
    Sing Psalms.
    Seek community.
    Worship.
    Shovel manure.
    Dust a bookshelf.
    Wash dishes.
    Study.
    Read.
    Write.
    And be kind to one another.

    Hope this is somewhat helpful.
    Melanie

  3. oh no, hope we didn’t jinx you!

    I wrote a whole long (boring) post once on remotivating, but it’s much easier in theory than when you’re in the middle of it.

    Short answer: Think about how good you’re being to your body when you treat it right. Try something different. Fake it til you make it. Can I think of any other cliches? All much harder to do than to talk about.

    You’ll get your mojo back, I know it. We’re pullin’ for you!

  4. Well first of all, I’m glad you wrote about it instead of just going away & burying all this in your “real life” and not sharing it here. That’s a big deal!

    I got nothin’ on the morning workout advice. MizFit said it best, I think, and I really liked that advice about you’re going to be tired anyway, what’s an extra 30 minutes of sleep?

    Is there anyway you can workout Sat & Sun, and then one day during the week? I know it’s hard to get in exercise on the weekends–believe me, most weekends I do nothing! But if you could get the hubs to keep the kids for just one hour each day, you could really hit it on the weekends, and then just pick one day during the week when you hit it hard. And that would be 3 days. Perhaps that could get you going in the right direction with food & mental positivity.

    It’s so hard. I totally understand. But you can’t throw in the towel. Keep searching for inspiration. It will come.

  5. Dear Jill, Boy, I have thought about how to answer your post all day. I think you have two separate things going here.

    The easy one is the ‘losing the workout mojo, and not having time for it. Well, you got some good answers on that from the other gals who actually have children so I don’t think I have much to add. Except to refer you back to your very good post about habit and fortitude. I really thought that was an excellent thought. We have a habit developed over many years of not exercising. Why do we think it would be easy to change?

    I think your ‘dissatisfaction’ with blogging is a bigger and more difficult issue. The easy answer is ‘that’s just life.’ We have ebbs and flows in our moods/energy levels. My brother swears by bio-rhythms, which I think sounds like a bunch of voodoo, but there are lots of times I am feeling up when I have no reason to, or down when I have no reason to, and I wonder about the biorhythm theory. But here’s what I think, at least for me, is that I tend to really embrace something and look for satisfaction in that (examples: dog showing, knitting and spinning, chocolate/food, etc. etc. etc., blogging) and really we know that none of these things in this world will provide the satisfaction we are looking for. (My dad called in the middle of me writing this, and I asked him if he agreed, and he said, well yah, Solomon thought that and wrote about it in Ecclesiastes.)

    Well, Jill, as my Grandpa used to say, that’s just my cheap opinion (actually he used to say it about other people, but I turned it around to refer to myself, since I have too many opinions.) But whatever, don’t give up blogging completely. There’s too many of us that would really miss you.

    Have a good weekend, my friend.

  6. I really liked Crabby’s comment to Fake it til you make it. I’m in that stage in food journaling and getting back to mindful eating. I want to be an athletic, fit person and I have lost some of that so I am just going to fake it. I totally understand both working out at 4:30 am or not doing it and having down times. I faithfully walk 4 miles every morning (no longer in the dark thank goodness) but my weight training or Pilattes sometimes goes by the wayside when I don’t get up in time to fit it in before my walk. I wonder if a new routine would be motivating – going to the gym, buying a new workout DVD or something new that you say you are going to try for 3 weeks until you get back into the routine.

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