How NOT to lose weight

Step 1) Even though it is out of your way, go to the nearest QuikTrip (or convenience store of your choice) and get a Diet Vanilla Dr. Pepper and pretend you are floating in it while you drink in its heavenly bubbly goodness.  


Step 2) Order 2 pizzas on your way home from work, and when you get home face plant into the middle of the Hawaiian pizza, and then after 1 or 2 (or 3) slices, pick only the toppings you like off of the other pizza and pop them in your mouth in rapid succession.  Then have another slice of Hawaiian.


Step 3) Throw all knowledge of healthy eating out the window when faced with a chocolate birthday cake.  (Vegetables? Whole Grains?  What the heck are those?)


Step 4) Laugh hysterically every time you walk by your treadmill.


Step 5) Suddenly come down with a case of Scarlet O’Hara Fever – “I won’t think about this right now, I’ll think about it tomorrow.  After all tomorrow is another day!” 


Step 6) Repeat steps 1-5 every day for a week.  You will be fat and happy in as little as 3 – 5 days!!


I’m not saying following these steps would work for anyone.  I’m just saying that I have  first hand knowledge a friend who tried them and this is what she told me.  So ya know, if you are tired of the weight just melting off of you, then this is something you might want to look into. Not that I would know or anything.

11 thoughts on “How NOT to lose weight

  1. LOL

    I too am sometimes amazed at how my brain, what I believe is a rational and intellegent one, can get things so screwed up. I guess it’s the proper application of that rationality that I have the trouble with.

    mmm, that looks good, I should try it there is a half of one….

    yeah it is good, I should have grabbed a whole one…

    No one saw me eat that one, so if I grab another real quick on my way out it will only look like I ate one…

    mmm… oops I forgot to get a drink of water I better go back…

    So I saw this recipe for chocolate cake that only had chana dal beans, soy flour, and a few other harmless ingredients…

    Yucka mucka doo da is what my daughter would say to that and I have a sneaking suspicion she is right, so I will just eat the real stuff. One small piece once in a blue moon.

    Breaking headlines….. [insert morse code beeping sounds] Three blue moons were spotted in the coffee break room today, simply amazing….

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