I briefly mentioned last week that I got some blood work done to check my thyroid and to see if there was any other reason that causes me to be SO DAMN TIRED ALL THE TIME. Turns out, there is no reason. My blood work came back normal, except that I am borderline anemic.I don’t mind telling you that I was really hoping for a little hypothyroidism, because then I would know why it is so hard for me to lose weight. But no, no such luck here!! I know that sounds bad, but I really can’t believe that it is normal to always be tired, and have to fight for every ounce lost.
So my plan of action includes a multivitamin with iron and an earlier bedtime. Six hours of sleep is just not enough for me. Seven to eight is prime.
Okay this is going to sound weird, but I have been having this, I don’t know what you’d call it – a feeling, a nudging, a stirring that I need to take some steps toward something different. You know the saying, “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten”, well I don’t want to keep doing what I’ve always done just for the sake of staying in the norm. And by *the norm*, I mean what is normal in my family – the things my mother and sister do, and expect me to do as well. There is this unspoken rule that sweets are the Holy Grail, and it is just too hard to lose weight, and exercise is just too hard to do, so why bother, and pass me another brownie please. All the women in my family are moderately overweight, but it’s just accepted that yes we are fat, but really there’s nothing we can do about it, so pass me another cookie please. And it is so much easier to talk about how we wish we could lose weight, but we just can’t live in a world without bread and butter, and barbeque, and pasta, and cake, and hey, will you hand me that candy bar?
I want to be different. I want to be healthy. I want to be athletic. They already think I am crazy for getting up at 5am to walk for 30 minutes, so what if I told them I wanted to train for and run a 5k? That would just be inconceivable.
I’d like to give up sugar for awhile – just to see if I could do it, and how it would make me feel. I’d like to go to the grocery store and NOT bring Little Debbie home with me. They would really think I was off my rocker if I told them I was getting off the sugar! But I would like to learn more about nutrition and what eating healthy really means. Surely there’s got to be more to life than birthday cake and pecan pie.
I’m afraid to do all of these things because, what would my family think? Would I alienate myself from them and become that “crazy health nut”? I already have an aunt (my mom’s sister) who is very into non-traditional medicine and she takes all kinds of herbs and supplements, but even without that, she is a little wacko anyway. I don’t want to become like her, but I also fear becoming like my mother, who has all sorts of aches and pains, and who moves at a snails pace.
Reading Laura’s and PQ’s posts about running the Indy half marathon (yay Laura!!yay PQ!!) was so inspiring -and that is the feeling I want. I want to do something that I never thought I could do, but I’m not sure what that thing is. Is it running? Is it being sugar free? Is it something outside of myself? I don’t know, but I feel like something is about to happen here, like I’m on the brink of making a decision. I know this sounds all dramatic and everything, but I’m tired of letting life happen to me. I’m tired of letting other people and circumstances dictate the state of my health – my physical, spiritual, and emotional health. I just want to get it all together.
In more lighthearted news – today is my baby’s 3rd birthday!! We had a party for her yesterday and she had so much fun! I love ages 3 and 4 – I think these are the magic years – when they go from being babies to children. I love watching her imagination grow and her understanding of the world open up. She is headstrong and independent, and doesn’t let her big brother or big sister push her around; in fact she is usually the one doing the pushing!! She is fun and exasperating all at the same time. I love her.
Challenge update: since having my pedometer surgically attached to my hip, I am amazed at how much I walk in the course of one weekend! By 10am Saturday morning, I had walked as much as I usually walk during a whole weekday. I logged over 10,000 steps on Saturday and again on Sunday! Amazing what information a little gadget can provide. If I could walk that much everyday, I’d be stick thin!! But as much as I walked all weekend (not intentional on-the-treadmill walking, just busy-running-around walking) I felt so good. I love being productive. I’m going to have to find things to keep me that busy every weekend! (FYI, my busy weekend included getting ready for a garage sale, having garage sale, several trips to store, going to son’s band concert, marathon house cleaning to get ready for bday party, and running around during party, whew!)
So now if I didn’t spend all my money on my daughter’s birthday, I will go today to GNC and buy some good vitamins and hopefully get myself to bed early tonight, and speaking of that, I have a feeling the hubs and I are going to have a heart to heart about bedtimes. He wants me to stay up and talk (among other things, wink wink) after the kids go to bed, but usually I just want to fall into dreamland asap. I think we are both going to have to compromise.
Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever written this much in one post at one time. Guess I had a lot on my mind, huh. Well if you stayed with me this far, thank you. And if you didn’t, then you have no idea I’m writing this anyway, and I could say anything I want about you. But I’ll just end this incredibly long post…now.