Shouting and growling

Hey!

First, let me shout it to the heavens that I am wearing a size 16 again!! I knew the 18s were getting loose, but when I stepped into a dressing room yesterday and saw just how awful they looked on me, I knew it was time to give them up. I stuck with them because I felt like they hid a lot, but really all they were doing was making me look bigger than I already am. So I bought a new pair of size 16s and they fit! Yay! I have 2 pair of size 14s that I bought 2 years ago that have never been worn, so when these 16s get too big (and they will) I already have 2 pair of new jeans that will be waiting for me. Woohoo! 

I’m still rocking along with No Junk June. I had a Moment of Truth earlier this week when my sugar pusher neighbor Mr. Brown came over and brought me a slice of cake. I was conflicted. I didn’t want to mess up NJJ…but there was cake staring me in the face. What to do??? I must have stared at that cake for two whole minutes while I warred with myself over whether or not I would eat it. I finally decided NOT to eat the cake and gave it to my boss instead. A very large victory was won that day!! 

I’m still working out every morning and sweating and grunting like it’s not about to kill me or anything. My husband got up early this morning and the poor soul tried to ask me questions while I was in the middle of some fairly challenging tricep extensions. My husband has no idea how close to death he came. For future information, don’t talk to me while I’m working out, don’t ask me questions that will require me to think, and especially don’t do these things before I’ve had coffee!! I will probably growl at you in lieu of an answer. So basically don’t talk to me before 7 am – after that I am showered and am sipping my first cup of java and will pleasantly answer any and all questions you may have. Following these rules will ensure that my wrath will not end up on your head. It’s a win-win for everyone if we observe and respect them. :)

Okay kids, that’s all I got for now. Have a good weekend! 

 

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Old Thoughts/New Thoughts

Three times in the last week the saying “change your thoughts, change your life” has popped up in various places – a couple of times on the internet and once on the tv or radio (I can’t remember which), but God knows that when he sends me a message, I rarely get it the first time, so He has to keep repeating Himself until I go “Oh wait! That must mean something for me!” I’m listening now. I get it. So I’ve been thinking it over and what does it mean to change your thoughts? For me, it means doing things a new way:

Old Thought: standing in front of the fridge at 7 am and wondering what to bring for lunch for the workday.

New Thought: packing my lunch the night before so I can take my time and make good choices.

Old Thought: standing in front of the fridge at 7 pm wondering what to make for dinner.

New Thought: shop/chop/make a menu over the weekend so I have plenty of options for dinners throughout the week.

Old Thought: I’m too tired to work out and I’m too out of shape to do anything other than walking.

New Thought: Working out will energize me and if I can make it through last night’s Zumba session without dying then dammit I can do anything!

I think for me, the key is in the planning. For a really long time (probably since I’ve been alive) I’ve been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person which sounds freeing and fun, but really it’s left me feeling frazzled and out of control more often than not. I hope that getting into the habit of pre-planning will help change my thinking which will eventually change my habits and eventually will change how I live my life.

Do you find that pre planning is key in your weight loss or maintenance? How do you prepare for the upcoming week?

I’m here!

Hey guys!! 

I’m here, I’m fine, things have been a little hectic lately but I’m good. The tornado in Moore last week weighed heavily on my mind and it was hard to write about weight loss when so many people have lost their homes, their belongings, and some even their lives. Thanks so much for all your kind words in my last post – I appreciate you all. We visited my sister in Norman (which is right next to Moore) over the holiday weekend and on our way back we drove past some of the damage – it was unreal. You just can’t imagine how disconcerting it is to see a mangled car resting upside down INSIDE of a house or to see an entire convenience store (gas pumps and all) just leveled the way high grass gets bent when you walk over it. If you know anything about Oklahoma, you know there’s a church on every corner, and thankfully at every church in Moore is an aid station. Chances are if a victim of the tornado doesn’t have food or water or clothing, it’s because they are too proud to ask for it – there was so much being offered to victims it was amazing. They have a long road ahead, but they’ll be okay eventually. 

I’ve got some posts that I’m working on and I’ll roll them out in the next day or so about how to make the transition from slug to super hot babe (or at the very least, less slug-like) so check back tomorrow. I’m serious guys, I’m done being forty, fat, and frumpy. It ends now. 

Clean and easy

Hey Guys!

So you may have noticed I was MIA last week. I just need to take a little time and get my head together. Oh and get over a particularly nasty stomach bug. Blech. I’m feeling much better now though, thankfully. 

My last post – the “she’s stuck between…” image that I posted – didn’t really convey exactly where I was. I didn’t look at that quote as a bad thing or in a negative light; in fact it was very hopeful to me. I wasn’t actually stuck; I was in a state of knowing that things were going to be different. Instead of the word “stuck” I think I was actually just pausing and saying goodbye to where I had been before moving forward to where I am going. I can’t be the person I used to be – I’m not 20 or 30 or even 39 anymore, so what worked for me then doesn’t work for me now – and I haven’t quite entered into the person I want to be yet, so for several days I mulled over what I needed to do, what I needed to let go, and which direction I wanted to take. I don’t for one minute believe that I have it all figured out, but at least I know which way I need to be headed.

Like I said, I was down with a stomach virus all of last weekend and the first half of last week, which was actually a blessing in disguise because as a result of eating nothing for 3 days, I got the chance to reset some eating habits. I’ve cut way down on the sugar and the processed foods and have been eating as cleanly as I can. That’s not to say I’m 100% clean, but maybe 70%, which let’s face it, is a freaking miracle for me. I’ve always heard of the benefits of eating clean – more energy, better skin, better sleep – but you know what goes along with better sleep? Better waking!! For the last 6 days, I have woken up before my alarm and it was almost easy for me to get out of bed. Let me say that again so you can fully grasp the depth of meaning here…

GETTING UP IN THE MORNING HAS NOT BEEN THE EMOTIONALLY DRAINING AND PAINFULLY TORTUROUS ACTIVITY IT ALWAYS WAS.

This is huge people. It is worth it to me to skip the ice cream (and any other junk) if it means I will wake up feeling rested and ready to go. Usually I wait until the very last possible minute to make myself get out of bed, but lately I wake up and stretch and actually have a couple of minutes to become conscious and think about my day before the alarm rings. This is such a great feeling; I can’t even really describe accurately how it makes me feel. Almost…dare I say it? Adult-like?

As far as my weigh ins are concerned, before the stomach bug got me, my head was in a very confused bad place and I ate my way up to 194.2 (that was 5/11/13’s weight) – then the bug hit just a few hours after my weigh in and I ate little more than dry toast and 7 up for 3 days. When I started feeling better, I adjusted my eating so that I was eating lots of veggies/fruit/lean proteins and my weight at Saturday’s meeting was back down to 190.4. I know it was a bunch of water weight that I lost, but I was afraid that I would go right back up to 194 and that hasn’t happened. I’m keeping a watchful eye on my points and being judicious about how I spend them. I hope to have another loss this weekend on the scale.

In my quest to rid myself of sugar, I discovered a few packets of Truvia in the dark recesses of my pantry and I also bought a box of Stevia when I shopped on Saturday. I have decided that Stevia (and its name brand twin Truvia) tastes awful. Awful awful awful! The aftertaste is just too chemical-y and bitter to me. I’d rather lick a tire than have to consume it on a regular basis. I may have to give up coffee because I need a little sweet stuff in my morning java (along with half & half) and drinking it without sugar is just not worth the effort. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that yet. I so look forward to coffee first thing in the morning! I had hoped that I could hang on to the coffee a little while at least, but…I don’t know.

So that’s where I am right now. In a good, happy place where I have to continually say NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO when I see tempting treats or when I want to go down the easy (read: boxed) road at dinner time. I’m happy to do it though if it means I can reap the benefits of feeling healthy and sane. :)

I want to be the kind of woman who…

…can look at the perfectly formed mound of buttercream frosting sitting atop a spongy cupcake and not be deeply and emotionally affected by it. 

…wakes up at 5:00 a.m. with sleepy determination to kick out an intensely sweaty but fulfilling workout six days a week and looks forward to it as much as she looks forward to her morning coffee. 

…stocks her fridge with heaping mounds of produce and uses it all before it goes bad.

…is satisfied with eating simple meals over and over again.

…can’t help checking the size of her guns in the reflection of every window she passes by. 

…can go into a restaurant and order the healthiest thing on the menu so that she won’t be in a carb coma for the next 4 days.

…is tight and toned and healthy and relatively happy and somewhat stable in her moods. 

…someone who gets off and STAYS OFF this damned roller coaster known as “losing weight”. 

I’m tired of the fight y’all. I’m tired of trying to do things my way and wondering why I can’t lose weight. I’m tired of being my own worst enemy. I thought that Weight Watchers would help me set some boundaries with food, but I just wonder if I don’t need tighter boundaries. It’s something I’m trying to figure out and when I do, I’ll let you know. 

 

 

Jar of Gems

Hey kids! How was your weekend? My hair is being weird today, must be a Monday thing. :/

I’ve decided to stick with my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meetings instead of switching to Thursday evenings for a couple of reasons: a) there are several Lifetime members/members who are at goal/members who are close to goal. In other words, there are a lot of successful folks in this meeting and they are good at giving out advice and support. I like that. Reason b) is that it gets me up and going for the day, otherwise I would lay around until noon and then bemoan the fact that my weekends feel so short. Another reason (c) is that I do my grocery shopping right after my meeting and it’s nice to get it done and out of the way. 

Before I share my weigh-in results, I’m going to share with you my new favorite lunch. I’ve been eating this same lunch (with slight variations) for about 3 weeks now and I’m still not tired of it. I call it the Mediterranean Lunch Wrap of Wonder and here’s how it goes: get yourself a flour tortilla or a fancy wrap (whatever you have on hand), then smush a Laughing Cow wedge over it. Next sprinkle some chopped black olives over the LC, then add a BIG handful of spinach on top of that. Get yourself some roasted red peppers from a jar and add a few of those over the spinach, then sprinkle some sunflower kernels on top of that. Add some sliced turkey or chicken, then roll that sucker up as tight as you can. Then take a bite and savor the all mighty goodness. Add a side of baby carrots and you’re good to go!! I love this lunch so much. So, so much. And it holds me for quite a while in the afternoons, which is a bonus. YUM!! 

Okay, on to the weigh in…I finally dropped another pound on Saturday. I was starting to doubt my ability to lose weight, but guess what? If you don’t eat a crap-ton, you don’t gain a crap-ton!! Genius, right?! My totals are thus: current weight is now 191.6 which means a total loss of 5.2 pounds since Feb. Slow and steady is the story of my life, but I’ll take it. I’m just glad to be moving downward again. 

Another thing that is helping, is that I’ve been using Kyra’s idea of the Marble Jar to help keep me on track throughout the day. The idea is that the marble (or rock or bead or gem) is a physical reminder of the kind of day I want to have. I want to have the kind of day I can feel good about – I want to make good choices with my food and also in other areas of my life (like work and the ever-lovin’ laundry), so having this gem with me all day reminds me to stay on track. At the end of the day, if I feel like I have done a reasonably good job of moving forward with my goals, then I add my gem to the jar. If I’ve had a day that wasn’t awful, but I could have done better, I don’t add that gem to the jar. If I have a day where I just blow it completely, I not only don’t add that day’s gem, I take an extra one out. Luckily I haven’t had to do that yet.  What I love most about it this is I only carry one gem with me at a time. I don’t load my pockets up with 52 weeks’ worth of gems – that would be a heavy load to carry! I only carry one gem per day – I only focus on today’s choices – what can I do TODAY that will move me forward?

Do you know how much easier it is to live when you take tomorrow’s worries out of the equation? So much easier! And that’s the purpose of the Marble Jar – to focus on today’s choices only. 

Image

Here is my gem. It lives on my desk where I can see it all day, then it goes home with me and stays in my pocket until it graduates to the jar.

The idea is the same as adding pearls to a string – one good day will eventually add up to a lot of good days which will eventually add up to a smaller waistline and a saner way of eating. 

Do any of you do a variation of the Marble Jar? Does anyone have another favorite wrap recipe to share? Is anyone else having a weird hair day (I seem to be having those a lot lately)? 

Leave the drama with your mama

Well, crud.

I made it to Sunday being sugarless, but by that afternoon, I was done. I had a couple of cookies and some froyo – nothing tragic. But then on Monday…oh man, the floodgates opened and I had a binge of epic proportions. I came home after work and had my pre-planned snack and then I just went BERSERK. I’m not even sure why.

Well I do kind of know why, it’s been a rough week, I’ll just say that. Yes I’m aware it’s only Tuesday but it’s been a really long 2 days so far, OKAY????  I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually, but yesterday I just flipped my lid and ate my kitchen and now I hate myself and my uncontrollable urges. Oh, calm down, I don’t really hate myself I’m just being dramatic because it’s a Norma Desmond kind of day. I’m ready for my closeup Mr. DeMille!

I’ve always been big! It’s the pictures that got small.

 

So anyway, now I’m trying to dig my way out of my spectacular crash and burn. What frustrates me the most I think is that last week felt so easy! I did great all week long – I was satisfied with what I ate and didn’t feel like I was struggling at all. This week has been the exact opposite. Maybe tomorrow I’ll start back on my no-sugar plan and try to make the rest of the week something to be proud of. I’m also really tired and if you’ve been around here long, you know that when I’m tired, all bets are off. Allergies and staying up too late working are not helping my attitude this week, so tonight I will get to bed by 10:30 eve if it kills me!! Which I hope it doesn’t because hello, death. Not a goal of mine right now.

Check ya later!

Jill, out.

Protein > Sugar

So after Tuesday’s long rambling post, I think I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. That’s the plan anyway. :)

I decided to try another WW meeting last night, not because I don’t like my Saturday morning meeting, but I’m finding that when I go on Saturday mornings I also like to stop at the big shopping center nearby and I end up spending a lot of time and money there. Once in a while is okay, but it’s getting to be a habit that could quickly get out of control. Plus my house is a wreck and needs some TLC this weekend, so not having to get up and go to my Saturday meeting will allow for more time to get stuff done at home. 

I liked the Thursday evening meeting. The leader is a cute little Southern gal who is maybe in her late 20′s and I really liked her laid-back style. The only drawback to this meeting is that I didn’t get home until 7pm (because I stopped at the grocery store after my meeting), which made it feel like a really short evening. I’m thinking Thursday nights will be Crock Pot Night if I continue to go to the evening meeting. 

I’m happy to report that I lost a pound – even though I weighed in at 5pm AND I was wearing jeans (lightweight jeans, but jeans nonetheless). So according to WW I now weigh 192.8 which brings a total loss of 4.2 pounds. Recap: I lost 5.8 pounds in February and gained 2.6 pounds in March. I’m striving to make April a losing month – it will be interesting to see if being off the birth control will make a difference. I do want to add that on MY scale this morning I spied 189.4. Squee!! I desperately want to be out of the 190s. Actually I desperately want to be in the 130s, but 189.4 is a start. ;)

Oh, and something else to report: I am on Day 4 of NO SWEETS. I’ve had no sweet, sugary snacks nor have I added sugar to my coffee or tea (caveat – I added Vanilla Almond milk to my coffee, so there’s that, but I didn’t add any extra sugar like I usually do, so I’m counting it as a victory). What’s interesting to me is that when I don’t have sugar to fall back on for snacks? I go for protein. Nuts, string cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt…those have been my go-to snacks this week. Each day I tell myself, “just do it today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, just see if you can do it today”, and each day I have. I don’t know how long I’m going to try and keep this up – I don’t have a goal in mind, I’m just going to go day by day and see what happens. I might cave tomorrow (weekends are hard, y’all) or I might breeze right on through, we’ll just have to wait and see. 

In the interest of keeping it short and sweet, I’m going to wrap it up here. Have a good weekend, kids! :)

I’ll go Jackie Chan on that cake, I mean it!

Hey Friends!! How was your Easter?

First things first – my sweet friend and fellow blogger Kyra is in the first round of an art contest and she needs your votes. So please go here and ignore all the slutty fairies (okay, they aren’t all slutty, only some) and find her White Rabbit painting, then scroll past the artwork down to where all the names are. Find Kyra Wilson and check the box next to her name and then click on the “vote” button below that. This means a lot to her and besides being super talented, she’s a great person who deserves to win. It takes only a minute to vote, and I know she will really appreciate it. :)

Man, I gotta tell ya, I had a fabulous weekend. I took off work Friday to go visit my old BFF who was going to be in our hometown for the weekend. I haven’t been back to my hometown since my high school reunion 4 years ago, but that was a quick trip and I didn’t get a chance to really look around the town like I wanted, so this time I made sure to have plenty of time to check out my old stomping grounds. My parents moved from my hometown when I was 22, so I really don’t have a reason to go back and visit even though it’s only a couple of hours away. Most of my friends have moved away also, so unless there’s a special reason, I just don’t go home anymore. Anyway, I met up with D (whom I’ve known since I was 12, but we weren’t BFFs until college where we lived together) and we drove every inch of that town. Let me tell you, Memory Lane is a long, long road. I drove past my old house (the house that when I dream I’m home – it’s always this house) and there were cars in the driveway and the garage door was open – I was thisclose to stopping and asking if I could look inside. I didn’t want them to call the cops on the crazy crying lady though, so I drove on past.  We snuck in to our old high school (and by snuck, I mean we walked right in – it was 4pm and the doors were still open but there were only a handful of people there. No one seemed to notice the two middle aged women roaming the halls) and looked around, we went to the lake and tried to find our names that were spray painted on the spillway nearly 25 years ago (they weren’t there anymore, most likely washed away by the elements or covered over by the other 24 graduating classes since ours), we drove by the houses where our friends used to live…it was a very bittersweet day. I didn’t realize how much I missed that town until I was there this time. I have to admit, I had a really good childhood growing up in that town. I was dismayed to see that it was a little smaller and a little less shiny than I remembered, but it’s still there and that’s what counts. There’s been talk of a 25 year high school reunion and if that happens I will definitely go. I already want to go back right away!

Saturday was a day of running errands, and then Sunday was Easter. Good church service, excellent lunch (made by yours truly), and a big nap. Does it get any better than that? No, no it does not. :)

I gotta say though, I really overdid it on Sunday. After a heavy lunch, my mom brought over a cheese cake and my neighbors sent over some really cute cupcakes they had made – and I gorged myself on all of it. Oh, I was disgusted with myself. I was digging into another slice of cheesecake later that afternoon while watching The Bible on History Channel (well done, History Channel!) and my son said “wow mom, you must really like that stuff” and suddenly I realized that Jesus probably wouldn’t be so impressed with my gluttony. Actually I wasn’t impressed with my gluttony either, so I got up and tossed the rest of the cheesecake in the trash and was done. I drank hot tea and water for the rest of the evening – I didn’t even eat dinner because I was so full from everything I had eaten earlier in the day.

Yesterday I decided that I needed a break from the sweet stuff, so I planned on having no sugary treats all day. I was resolved that I would not let processed sugar pass my lips all day. I didn’t even put sugar in my coffee or tea (and I was strangely satisfied with that)…but then about 2:00 in the afternoon, my pusher the little old man across the street brought me a slice of Easter Bunny cake – you know the cakes you see in the bakery that are shaped like a bunny? He brought me the bunny’s butt – the part with all the extra icing. It was pink and fluffy and I didn’t want it. I really didn’t. But old habits die hard, and I took a bite. It wasn’t that good, but I took another bite and another until I had finished off the whole slice. And then I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling disappointed in myself, realizing that I’m going to have to take a stand and JUST SAY NO. I can’t keep defeating my own agenda – I can’t keep letting my emotions override my logic.

So today I’m going to try again.  I’m going to say no to the sweet stuff today – just today, that’s all I have to worry about. If cake or chocolate or a treat comes my way, I’m going to use my sweet ninja skills to block the attack and it will end up in the trash. With dish soap poured over it. And coffee grounds dumped over that. And if I can get my hands on some bacon grease, I’ll add that too. Because I’m tired of the defeat and I deserve a little victory in my life, that’s why.

So that’s the plan anyway. I gotta go brush up on my roundhouse kicks and throat punches so I’ll be ready when the sweets jump out at me from behind the corner. Anyone have any ninja stars they can loan me for awhile? :)

Gimme a TEA!

Hello Friends! 

Okay, let’s get this over with: my last weight in (on Saturday) was up…again. I weighed in at 193.8 which is a gain of 1.4 pounds, making my total loss a mere 3.2 pounds. 

BUT!!! 

Through some insane magic (or my monthly cycle, same thing really) I must have peed a dozen times yesterday and according to my scales at home, I peed out 2 pounds of…something. Salt, maybe? Whatever it was, it’s gone now that’s for sure and all my rings fit better today. Yesterday I felt more clear-headed and in control than I’ve felt in a long time. I was super-productive at work, and checked off several things on my to-do list. I don’t know what’s going on…but I like it! 

Subject change: can we just talk about tea for a minute? I got a bunch of tea stuff for my birthday ( a cute tea pot, a little tea infuser that looks like a tea pot, some tea, etc) and I decided that I wanted to be a sophisticated grown up and try loose tea. Last Friday I took my girls to the mall and we found a tea store there – oh happy day!! I walked in and said, “I’m a blank slate – teach me Yoda!” and the very nice guy working there showed me all kinds of different teas and infusers and such and in the end I chose 3 different loose teas to take home with me. To the tune of $50. Yikes!! That’s more than I intended to spend, but I had some birthday money left, so it was all good. I’m happy to say that I love all of the teas I chose and my 12 year old daughter even likes them too. I chose a flavored white tea, an herbal tea, and a flavored black tea and the fact that they can be mixed together in various combinations is a bonus. Their names are Snow Geisha, Wild Orange Blossom, and Weight To Go (yes, seriously). I asked about dessert teas was offered the Weight To Go tea. I tried to not read more into that than was necessary, but if I hadn’t been so excited and overwhelmed, I probably would have been offended. It’s actually my favorite of all three – it’s got a fun fruity taste. Yum! What I was surprised to find is that 2oz of tea will not fit in a 4oz jar – 2 oz of tea is A LOT OF TEA. I think I ended up with more than 2oz of each one (that sneaky salesman, they pour it out of bulk tins and measure out just a little more so you’ll spend a little more) so I’ve got lots of tea to last me a while. I’m trying to replace my afternoon sugar habit with hot tea, hence the whole tea experience. We’ll see how it works out. 

Okay, kids that’s all I’ve got for today. Curious – do you drink loose leaf tea, and if so, what’s your favorite brand/flavor? Any tea accessory that you can’t live without? Like I said, I’m a blank slate – educate me! :)