Confession time: I have not lost any weight the entire month of July. I haven’t gained, but I have not actively pursued weight loss for the last 4 weeks. Eating has been evenly keeled for the most part, with a few binges here and there, but nothing that made me cry when I stepped on the scale the next day. I have walked maybe 5-7 days out of the whole month. Granted this has been a really busy month for me – if I wasn’t gone somewhere, I was getting ready to be gone somewhere, so that contributed somewhat to my lack of walkage.
But the real reason I haven’t lost any weight?
I kinda like how I look right now.
I’m happy with what I see in the mirror, and so the motivating disgust hasn’t been there to propel me forward in actively trying to shed the fat.
Yeah, it is kinda cool. And weird.
I can finally wear the clothes hanging in my closet that for the past couple of years were just waiting for their turn. I can finally go shopping and try on clothes and NOT dissolve into tears at Jabba the Hut staring back at me from the dressing room mirror. I can go to a business meeting and take comfort in the fact that I am not the biggest girl in the room anymore. I can lie on my bed in my Elvis t-shirt and not freak out and try to hide my thighs under the covers when the hubs walks into the room. We even made a game of tracing the veins on my thighs last night (not that kind of game, you perv!!), and it was liberating to just be comfortable in my skin.
Let me make something really clear here: I am still overweight. At 5’4”, 165 pounds still shows up all over my pear-shaped body in unnatural ways. I still have about 20 more pounds to lose, and really if I want to be at my Perfect Happiest Weight Ever!!!, I”ll need to lose another 15 on top of that. My doctor wants my blood pressure to be a little bit lower, and there are some areas I’d like to tone up, so I’m far from “done”.
But for now, I’m good. As soon as this crazy month is over, I’ll get back to walking and being vigilant about my eating, because I know how easily the weight I’ve lost can come back and take up residence in my thunder thighs. Yeah, I still have thunder thighs and oddly enough, I’m okay with them too right now. All my crooked, lumpy, bumpy body parts and I are at peace for the moment.
It’s a strange and wonderful feeling that I hope lasts for more than a day.