I feel bad because I haven’t been commenting on many blogs lately. I used to be the QUEEN of commenting – that’s why I started my own blog because I had so much to say! Now it seems I barely have time to read blogs, let alone leave witty, insightful comments, so please forgive me if I haven’t left any words of wisdom. I’ve still been reading when I can, and maybe soon I can get back to my regularly scheduled commenting.
I’ve noticed something about myself lately in regards to some blogs. The bloggers who really (seem) to have it all together, ie. they are eating super healthy foods and working out regularly…well…they make me feel bad about myself (Relax Debby, I’m NOT talking about YOU! ) Kind of like how I used to feel when I would read fashion mags way back in the day, except that instead of feeling inadequate about the size of my thighs, now I feel inadequate about the fact that I’m not eating raw, organic, non-processed foods. I still eat crap y’all, way more than I like to admit (she says as she stuffs the funsize BabyRuth wrapper under the sofa cushion), and I haven’t worked out regularly in WEEKS. I thought that if I read those kinds of blogs, that somehow magically it would rub off on me and all of a sudden I would be the type of mom who serves eggplant and spinach to eager veggie-eating kids. Um, yeah, that ain’t gonna happen, at least not for awhile anyway. I’ve decided that I’m just not there yet – I’m not ready to be there yet, and that’s okay. I’m not that far along on my journey yet, so I think I need to just relax and deal with where I am right now. I like being in the trenches with my own people – the flawed, the ever-struggling, the “we will triumph…someday!” kind of folks. Where I am right now is fine, and I’ll continue to move forward, but without the guilt.
Wanna hear a weird story? Good. A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a guy I dated TWENTY YEARS AGO. It was completely out of the blue and at first it was just a nice conversation, but then he mentions that he felt really bad that we ended things on a sour note and he wanted to make amends. It has been bothering him ALL THIS TIME! FYI, I broke up with him and I don’t think I was very nice about it, so why he felt he needed to make amends is beyond me. And also, the sad thing is that this guy has barely been a blip on my radar for the last 20 years – I rarely think of him. Anyway, he went on and on about how awful it was when I left the small junior college we both attended, and how it took him a long time to get over me, etc etc. And then he kept saying gushing “Oh Jill it’s so good to talk to you” and “it’s so good to hear your voice” and “I’m so glad I’m talking to you right now”, and it was the tone of his voice that caught me off guard – it wasn’t a friendly, light hearted tone, no, it was full of emotion and that’s when I started getting really uncomfortable with the whole conversation. Apparently, he has been looking for me for awhile, and he had his MOM track me down on the internet (believe me, it wasn’t hard to do – it’s scary how much info is out there). He is married and his wife knows about me, but I don’t think she was very happy about him contacting me. I don’t know if he just needed to get some things off his chest or what, but the whole thing has me a little freaked out. Maybe I’m making this out to be more than it really is, but what really has me freaked is that he showed up on FaceBook last week, and he sent me a Friend Request. Of course I ignored it, but then two days later, ANOTHER Friend Request shows up from him! I have a feeling he is going to try and contact me again. I hope he doesn’t, but I can’t ignore this feeling. I’ll let you know if anything else happens, because I feel like I need to have this documented somewhere and I guess this is as good a place as any. Fun, huh?!
Finger Update: I went back to the Orthopod(is that what they are really called, or is that just some doctor slang?)yesterday for a follow up and now it turns out that I need therapy (shut up) for my finger. They are going to do somethings to it to desensitize the tip since it is still very sensitive. He also mentioned that I might eventually need to have some of the bone shaved off because there is a tad bit of protrusion where the bone is pushing the flesh up, but that wouldn’t be for awhile, if we even do it at all. I hoped the Finger Saga would be over yesterday, but I guess it will continue for a little while longer.
In other news, I’m a big baby who has to sleep with the light on when Shawn isn’t home. He is away on a hunting trip (attn stalkers: I have a gun and I know how to use it) and every creak and pop of the house has me on high alert. I fixed this problem by leaving a light on in the kitchen which shines into the hallway so if any intruders come into the house I can see them before they see me. That way they won’t know what hit them when I put a cap in their ass. Cuz I’m crazy like that (when I’m not busy being a big baby).
Okay, well I guess that’s enough swirl for today. Have a good Tuesday!