December 10, 2009
I’ve been questioning some of my behaviors (or non-behaviors, if you will), and the answers I have come up with are startling. I feel like I’m this close to being ready to get back in the saddle and start working out, but what’s holding me back? Is it a fear of failure? I don’t think so. I know, I KNOW, that if I get myself in gear and just do the things I was doing before the finger crushing (cardio 4 days/week, weights 2x/week, tracking my calories) I could drop the rest of this weight in no time at all. I have 10 pounds to lose to get my goal weight. I have 20 pounds to get to my ultimate happy weight. After watching TBL finale the other night and seeing what these people have done (Congrats Danny! He’s from my neck of the woods!), losing 10 pounds should be a walk in the park (or on the treadmill), right? Now, I realize those guys work out for 26 hours a day, etc, but my point is, if someone can lose 230 pounds, I CAN lose 10. So why don’t I? Why do I always put it off?
I think this quote explains it best:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson
And then I read this today in an email from Flylady (I get her emails and hope they will magically absorb into my brain) and I was stopped in my tracks. The emailer (not Flylady) writes:
…my therapist made what I think is a moderately profound observation that I’ve been mulling over. She said that procrastination is passive-aggressive behavior TOWARDS OURSELVES. When we procrastinate, we set ourselves up for failure, so then we beat ourselves up for having failed (whatever form “failure” takes in that context—maybe it’s failing to make an appointment on time, or not picking our children up when we said we would, or not having enough gas to get somewhere. OR FAILING TO WORK OUT – I added that part) When we procrastinate, we are engaging in passive-aggressive behavior towards ourselves.
I know, right?! This is SO ME. There was a link included in her email:
(http://www.depression-guide.com/passive-aggressive-negativistic-personality.htm) so I read up some more and was excited to learn that yoga is good for quieting the negative thoughts that seem to go with this disorder. I don’t think I actually have a full blown case of this disorder, but I think I might have a touch of it (I’m sure most people do). Again, another sign that I need more yoga in my life!
So, what to do? How do I go about convincing myself that procrastination is going to get me nowhere (for some reason that just cracked me up!) and that I DESERVE to feel good about doing something good for myself? Well, I could go ALL IN – go b*lls to the wall and do 45 minutes of hardcore cardio every single day (and crash and burn in 3 days) or I could ease into it. To be honest, the thought of getting on the elliptical is so NOT appealing to me at all, so I need to do something, ANYTHING, that will move me forward. I thought about doing a 30 day challenge, but decided that was too much to take on, so then I thought about a 2 week challenge, but I wanted to break it down even smaller than that, so I came up with a 1 day challenge – hey, it’s all about babysteps, ya know! I am going to try and do some kind of challenge every day until December 31. That’s 22 different things to do so I won’t get bored. This challenge is just for me, but if you want to come here and see what the Challenge of the Day is, I would love for you to do it with me, or do your own challenge. I’m not going to do anything extreme – but I am going to do something that will move me forward towards my goal everyday. It might be something like doing a yoga dvd, drinking 8 cups of water, eating 3 vegetables in a day, or taking 1 hour of “me” time to relax. You get the idea. I know this might seem like a weird time to begin something like this, but actually I think I need it now more than ever. It want it to be easy and attainable and fun! Like I said, join me if you like, or just watch and see if I can be creative for the next 22 days (it will be interesting to say the least!).
Okay gang, that’s all I got for now. I gotta go think up 22 activities I can do! Have a great day!