I made it to Sunday being sugarless, but by that afternoon, I was done. I had a couple of cookies and some froyo – nothing tragic. But then on Monday…oh man, the floodgates opened and I had a binge of epic proportions. I came home after work and had my pre-planned snack and then I just went BERSERK. I’m not even sure why.
Well I do kind of know why, it’s been a rough week, I’ll just say that. Yes I’m aware it’s only Tuesday but it’s been a really long 2 days so far, OKAY???? I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually, but yesterday I just flipped my lid and ate my kitchen and now I hate myself and my uncontrollable urges. Oh, calm down, I don’t really hate myself I’m just being dramatic because it’s a Norma Desmond kind of day. I’m ready for my closeup Mr. DeMille!
So anyway, now I’m trying to dig my way out of my spectacular crash and burn. What frustrates me the most I think is that last week felt so easy! I did great all week long – I was satisfied with what I ate and didn’t feel like I was struggling at all. This week has been the exact opposite. Maybe tomorrow I’ll start back on my no-sugar plan and try to make the rest of the week something to be proud of. I’m also really tired and if you’ve been around here long, you know that when I’m tired, all bets are off. Allergies and staying up too late working are not helping my attitude this week, so tonight I will get to bed by 10:30 eve if it kills me!! Which I hope it doesn’t because hello, death. Not a goal of mine right now.
Check ya later!
So after Tuesday’s long rambling post, I think I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. That’s the plan anyway.
I decided to try another WW meeting last night, not because I don’t like my Saturday morning meeting, but I’m finding that when I go on Saturday mornings I also like to stop at the big shopping center nearby and I end up spending a lot of time and money there. Once in a while is okay, but it’s getting to be a habit that could quickly get out of control. Plus my house is a wreck and needs some TLC this weekend, so not having to get up and go to my Saturday meeting will allow for more time to get stuff done at home.
I liked the Thursday evening meeting. The leader is a cute little Southern gal who is maybe in her late 20′s and I really liked her laid-back style. The only drawback to this meeting is that I didn’t get home until 7pm (because I stopped at the grocery store after my meeting), which made it feel like a really short evening. I’m thinking Thursday nights will be Crock Pot Night if I continue to go to the evening meeting.
I’m happy to report that I lost a pound – even though I weighed in at 5pm AND I was wearing jeans (lightweight jeans, but jeans nonetheless). So according to WW I now weigh 192.8 which brings a total loss of 4.2 pounds. Recap: I lost 5.8 pounds in February and gained 2.6 pounds in March. I’m striving to make April a losing month – it will be interesting to see if being off the birth control will make a difference. I do want to add that on MY scale this morning I spied 189.4. Squee!! I desperately want to be out of the 190s. Actually I desperately want to be in the 130s, but 189.4 is a start.
Oh, and something else to report: I am on Day 4 of NO SWEETS. I’ve had no sweet, sugary snacks nor have I added sugar to my coffee or tea (caveat – I added Vanilla Almond milk to my coffee, so there’s that, but I didn’t add any extra sugar like I usually do, so I’m counting it as a victory). What’s interesting to me is that when I don’t have sugar to fall back on for snacks? I go for protein. Nuts, string cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt…those have been my go-to snacks this week. Each day I tell myself, “just do it today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, just see if you can do it today”, and each day I have. I don’t know how long I’m going to try and keep this up – I don’t have a goal in mind, I’m just going to go day by day and see what happens. I might cave tomorrow (weekends are hard, y’all) or I might breeze right on through, we’ll just have to wait and see.
In the interest of keeping it short and sweet, I’m going to wrap it up here. Have a good weekend, kids!
Hey Friends!! How was your Easter?
First things first – my sweet friend and fellow blogger Kyra is in the first round of an art contest and she needs your votes. So please go here and ignore all the slutty fairies (okay, they aren’t all slutty, only some) and find her White Rabbit painting, then scroll past the artwork down to where all the names are. Find Kyra Wilson and check the box next to her name and then click on the “vote” button below that. This means a lot to her and besides being super talented, she’s a great person who deserves to win. It takes only a minute to vote, and I know she will really appreciate it.
Man, I gotta tell ya, I had a fabulous weekend. I took off work Friday to go visit my old BFF who was going to be in our hometown for the weekend. I haven’t been back to my hometown since my high school reunion 4 years ago, but that was a quick trip and I didn’t get a chance to really look around the town like I wanted, so this time I made sure to have plenty of time to check out my old stomping grounds. My parents moved from my hometown when I was 22, so I really don’t have a reason to go back and visit even though it’s only a couple of hours away. Most of my friends have moved away also, so unless there’s a special reason, I just don’t go home anymore. Anyway, I met up with D (whom I’ve known since I was 12, but we weren’t BFFs until college where we lived together) and we drove every inch of that town. Let me tell you, Memory Lane is a long, long road. I drove past my old house (the house that when I dream I’m home – it’s always this house) and there were cars in the driveway and the garage door was open – I was thisclose to stopping and asking if I could look inside. I didn’t want them to call the cops on the crazy crying lady though, so I drove on past. We snuck in to our old high school (and by snuck, I mean we walked right in – it was 4pm and the doors were still open but there were only a handful of people there. No one seemed to notice the two middle aged women roaming the halls) and looked around, we went to the lake and tried to find our names that were spray painted on the spillway nearly 25 years ago (they weren’t there anymore, most likely washed away by the elements or covered over by the other 24 graduating classes since ours), we drove by the houses where our friends used to live…it was a very bittersweet day. I didn’t realize how much I missed that town until I was there this time. I have to admit, I had a really good childhood growing up in that town. I was dismayed to see that it was a little smaller and a little less shiny than I remembered, but it’s still there and that’s what counts. There’s been talk of a 25 year high school reunion and if that happens I will definitely go. I already want to go back right away!
Saturday was a day of running errands, and then Sunday was Easter. Good church service, excellent lunch (made by yours truly), and a big nap. Does it get any better than that? No, no it does not.
I gotta say though, I really overdid it on Sunday. After a heavy lunch, my mom brought over a cheese cake and my neighbors sent over some really cute cupcakes they had made – and I gorged myself on all of it. Oh, I was disgusted with myself. I was digging into another slice of cheesecake later that afternoon while watching The Bible on History Channel (well done, History Channel!) and my son said “wow mom, you must really like that stuff” and suddenly I realized that Jesus probably wouldn’t be so impressed with my gluttony. Actually I wasn’t impressed with my gluttony either, so I got up and tossed the rest of the cheesecake in the trash and was done. I drank hot tea and water for the rest of the evening – I didn’t even eat dinner because I was so full from everything I had eaten earlier in the day.
Yesterday I decided that I needed a break from the sweet stuff, so I planned on having no sugary treats all day. I was resolved that I would not let processed sugar pass my lips all day. I didn’t even put sugar in my coffee or tea (and I was strangely satisfied with that)…but then about 2:00 in the afternoon,
my pusher the little old man across the street brought me a slice of Easter Bunny cake – you know the cakes you see in the bakery that are shaped like a bunny? He brought me the bunny’s butt – the part with all the extra icing. It was pink and fluffy and I didn’t want it. I really didn’t. But old habits die hard, and I took a bite. It wasn’t that good, but I took another bite and another until I had finished off the whole slice. And then I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling disappointed in myself, realizing that I’m going to have to take a stand and JUST SAY NO. I can’t keep defeating my own agenda – I can’t keep letting my emotions override my logic.
So today I’m going to try again. I’m going to say no to the sweet stuff today – just today, that’s all I have to worry about. If cake or chocolate or a treat comes my way, I’m going to use my sweet ninja skills to block the attack and it will end up in the trash. With dish soap poured over it. And coffee grounds dumped over that. And if I can get my hands on some bacon grease, I’ll add that too. Because I’m tired of the defeat and I deserve a little victory in my life, that’s why.
So that’s the plan anyway. I gotta go brush up on my roundhouse kicks and throat punches so I’ll be ready when the sweets jump out at me from behind the corner. Anyone have any ninja stars they can loan me for awhile?
Okay, let’s get this over with: my last weight in (on Saturday) was up…again. I weighed in at 193.8 which is a gain of 1.4 pounds, making my total loss a mere 3.2 pounds.
Through some insane magic (or my monthly cycle, same thing really) I must have peed a dozen times yesterday and according to my scales at home, I peed out 2 pounds of…something. Salt, maybe? Whatever it was, it’s gone now that’s for sure and all my rings fit better today. Yesterday I felt more clear-headed and in control than I’ve felt in a long time. I was super-productive at work, and checked off several things on my to-do list. I don’t know what’s going on…but I like it!
Subject change: can we just talk about tea for a minute? I got a bunch of tea stuff for my birthday ( a cute tea pot, a little tea infuser that looks like a tea pot, some tea, etc) and I decided that I wanted to be a sophisticated grown up and try loose tea. Last Friday I took my girls to the mall and we found a tea store there – oh happy day!! I walked in and said, “I’m a blank slate – teach me Yoda!” and the very nice guy working there showed me all kinds of different teas and infusers and such and in the end I chose 3 different loose teas to take home with me. To the tune of $50. Yikes!! That’s more than I intended to spend, but I had some birthday money left, so it was all good. I’m happy to say that I love all of the teas I chose and my 12 year old daughter even likes them too. I chose a flavored white tea, an herbal tea, and a flavored black tea and the fact that they can be mixed together in various combinations is a bonus. Their names are Snow Geisha, Wild Orange Blossom, and Weight To Go (yes, seriously). I asked about dessert teas was offered the Weight To Go tea. I tried to not read more into that than was necessary, but if I hadn’t been so excited and overwhelmed, I probably would have been offended. It’s actually my favorite of all three – it’s got a fun fruity taste. Yum! What I was surprised to find is that 2oz of tea will not fit in a 4oz jar – 2 oz of tea is A LOT OF TEA. I think I ended up with more than 2oz of each one (that sneaky salesman, they pour it out of bulk tins and measure out just a little more so you’ll spend a little more) so I’ve got lots of tea to last me a while. I’m trying to replace my afternoon sugar habit with hot tea, hence the whole tea experience. We’ll see how it works out.
Okay, kids that’s all I’ve got for today. Curious – do you drink loose leaf tea, and if so, what’s your favorite brand/flavor? Any tea accessory that you can’t live without? Like I said, I’m a blank slate – educate me!
Well my weigh in on Saturday wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be: I gained one pound instead of two, so that’s good I guess? For those of you playing along at home, I weigh 192.2 again which means I have a total loss of 4.8 pounds since I started on February 2nd. This week has been better – after weigh in on Saturday I went to the grocery store and bought a boat-load of groceries (mostly produce), then came home and cooked some chicken, roasted some veggies, and made a mental plan for the week. I’ve had a few lapses here and there, but I’m doing okay.
I had a revelation this week too: there are five very different personalities living in my house and I will never be able to please each of them at the same time, especially when it comes to dinner time. I have been so discouraged when it comes to cooking dinner because it seems like someone is always complaining, so I’ve resorted to cooking the same safe meals over and over again just to keep the peace, but you know what? I don’t care anymore. I need some variety and some newness in the kitchen, so I’ve decided I’m going to cook what sounds interesting to me and if someone doesn’t like it, they can lump it. The five of us have different tastes: My husband and son LOVE spicy foods, my oldest daughter and I DON’T, and my youngest daughter just doesn’t like dinner. I could say “we’re having gummi bears and hot fudge sundaes for dinner!” and she’d say “I don’t like gummi bears and hot fudge sundaes” which is a total lie, because I know she likes those things. She just likes to be difficult, so I don’t even take her into consideration when I’m planning dinner because I know she’ll hate whatever I’m cooking just because it falls in the “dinner” category. ANYWAY, I’ve tried a couple of different recipes this week, and whaddyaknow? They were a success! One dinner was a Sloppy Joe Bake which uses crescent rolls as a “bun” and the other was Spicy Sausage Pasta – I didn’t much care for the Sloppy Joe Bake, but my kids loved it and my husband and son really liked the Spicy Sausage Pasta (because it was spicy, duh). I also made some healthy cookies which consisted of mashed bananas, oats, pecans, and a few chocolate chips. I really liked those cookies – they were good for when I needed a hit of sweetness, but they weren’t triggering at all. Oh, and please do me a favor and don’t lecture me on the use of crescent rolls and processed foods at this point. Okay, I get it, I do, but when I find a new recipe, I like to make it the way it is written the first time just so I know how it tastes, then go back and tweak it to make it healthier the next time. I’m just not at the point where I can tell my family “hey guess what? No more processed stuff for us!” I would really like to get to that point, but I’m not there yet. So give me some grace on this, okay? Thanks, you’re the best!
Okay kids, it’s my lunch time so I gotta go heat up my chicken and veggies before the hoards come in and take over the microwaves in the break room. I always like to get to the break room before anyone else because I’m competitive like that.
Man, I am struggling this week. Actually the last 2 weeks have been difficult on the food-front and I’m ready for something to give. I find that I can handle my food so much better when I use 4 or 5 extra points a day as opposed to using all of them in one fell swoop. Unlike other bloggers (whom I love and admire), I cannot get right back on track after a day of an eating-free-for-all. When I spend all my extra weekly points in one day or when I have a cheat day, I can’t just pick up and become a healthy eater again the next day. I’ve tried and I just can’t do it. It takes me 3, 4, or even 5 days before residual effects of white carb overload subside and I can get back in the saddle. I’ve fought hard this week, and I’ve made several good choices and decisions, but it’s far from where I need to be if I’m going to lose weight and keep it off. I’ll go to weigh in tomorrow, and I won’t be surprised by the (at least) 2 pound gain I’ll see on the scale.
In other news, I’ve decided to stop taking my birth control pill. I started taking this pill back in December in order to help balance my raging/insane hormones. I think it has helped a little, however since I’ve been on this pill I’ve gained 10 pounds and my libido has fallen like a brick off a cliff. The trade off is not worth it for me – I got off the pill 7 years ago because my low libido was affecting my marriage and I don’t want to go back there. I think I can do better with a different pill, so I’m going to quit the one I’m on now and see how my body reacts. I have my yearly appointment in May, so if my hormones go haywire, I can always get another pill in a couple of months. I also think that losing weight will help my hormones, so maybe if I can get some momentum and get this weight off, my body will work itself out. I’m going to finish out this pack that I’m on now ( I only have a few days left anyway) but then that’s it. I was trying to explain all this to my husband this morning and I ended with “you get what I’m saying here?” and he replied “that’s the only thing I’m getting lately” so obviously this is an issue! (and in case you were wondering, my husband had the snip-snip several years ago, so BIRTH control really isn’t an issue, I take it for the hormones)
I’ve made an attempt this week at exercise. I managed to get in 3 days of walking so far this week – just me, the early morning, and Downton Abbey (I just finished season 2 – no spoilers please!). I would have had at least 4 days, but on Wednesday my alarm didn’t go off – I have no idea why. It was set for the right time, I checked the am/pm thing and it was correct, the radio was at a good volume – there is no reason that it shouldn’t have come on. Luckily I woke up just a few minutes later than my absolute-have-to-get-out-of-bed-right-NOW time, so I was only a couple of minutes behind in my morning routine. But anyway, I’m back to walking if only because I know I won’t lose weight as fast if I don’t, and because it just makes me feel better.
So that’s the super exciting goings-on in my life this week. Spring has finally sprung around here and we are looking at temps in the 80s later today. The rest of the weekend will be a little cooler (high 60s) but I’ll take it. I actually wore a tshirt and flip flops yesterday – it was that nice! I’m so ready for warm breezes and sunshine. This has been long cold winter.
I didn’t go to weigh in on Saturday and it was probably just as well. I know I had a gain and was waiting for my new “clean slate” week to begin, which it did, but the slate got real dirty by the next day. It didn’t just get dirty it got drrrrrty. Dirty with bbq and cheesecake (yep, I got my birthday cheesecake and it was WONDERFUL). I tracked everything I ate and Monday I was back on plan, until after work when I made the grave mistake of tasting “just one” Honey BBQ Twisted Frito. Holy crackers, those things must be dipped in meth because before I knew it, I was on the street corner hustling Johns so I could get enough money to go score some more Twisted Fritos. Not even once, kids…not even once.
I literally could not stop eating them. I think I ate half the bag before I finally gave the bag to my son and told him to go hide them. He came back into the kitchen 5 minutes later, shoved the bag into the pantry and said “wow, it took a lot of effort for me to stop eating those!”, so I know it wasn’t just me – he just stopped a lot sooner than I did. This had nothing to do with willpower, it was purely the addictive flavor of the chips which I’m sure Frito-Lay most likely spent thousands of dollars in R&D to come up with. I fell right into their trap.
So today, I’m in a funk and I’m 90% positive it’s because of all those Fritos I ate yesterday. I am becoming more and more aware of how I feel after I eat things like that, and I’m noticing that it usually affects me the day after I have eaten the offending food.
I know, I know, you all tried to warn me when you said you don’t let trigger foods pass your lips at all anymore. I didn’t listen then, but I’m listening now! I’ve decided that if I’m going to lose weight and keep it off, I have to tighten things up around here and quit being so loosey-goosey with all the BLTs (bites, licks, tastes). The thing is, it didn’t occur to me that those would be a trigger food, but lately I seem to be getting cozy with salty snacks of all kinds. I think I need to put a moratorium on them for awhile because sheesh, I don’t need another replay of yesterday’s carnage. Lions attacking their prey aren’t as violent as I was with those Fritos.
Learn from me, friends. Don’t be me. Don’t use salty snacks lest you find yourself at the counter of The Betty Ford Clinic for Frito Addiction with a mustard-yellow dust all over your face. Just say no, kids, just say no!