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The Sassy Pear
A 40-something woman trying to lose 40-something pounds

Monthly Archives: May 2012

All over the place

May 31, 2012

My thoughts are zigzagging this week which is why I haven’t posted. I can’t get a clear theme in mind, so I’ma just dump it all out and see if you can make anything of it.  Good luck with that.

The holiday weekend (and the 2 days since) kicked my tail. I admit I went on a kind of Last Supper-type binge  that has lasted 3 days. You know that saying “you can’t eat junk food if you don’t bring it into your house”? Well conversely, you can’t eat healthy food if you don’t bring it into your house, either. It’s hard to pack a salad for lunch when you don’t have any salad greens. And it’s hard to eat an apple with peanut butter if you don’t have any apples. The point is, I need to get my arse to the grocery store and stock up. I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall trying to play the “what’s healthier” game – a ham sandwich on white bread or an ice cream sandwich? Is it any wonder my weight is back up to 187 today? Lesson Learned: go to the damn grocery store already!!

I’ve been following Kindle’s Ease into 5k program, which is great for treadmill running, but I’m getting into the longer continuous runs now and I don’t like it. I don’t want to run for 26 minutes straight without a walk break. It makes me dread the upcoming runs and makes me want to NOT do them at all. And since I’m such a slow runner, I never seem to get in more than 2 miles anyway during the allotted time and I want to know that I can run 3 miles without puking or dying. SO…I’m going to finish my training my own way: run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes, repeat until 3.1 miles is completed. That’s my plan for the next 3 weeks until The Color Run. I’m getting really excited about running it, I think it’s going to be F-U-N fun!

Here’s the part where I zigzag: I find myself vacillating between committing to my weight loss goals once and for all or chucking the whole idea entirely and not worrying about it anymore. On the one hand, I’ve got a lot of really helpful tools I can use to help me get to my goal weight, but a bunch of shiny new tools are useless if you never open the stupid tool box and put them to use. Using these tools takes time and patience to form the habit of using them – a lot of mental energy and focus is needed to do this. I could do it, I just need to COMMIT to doing it. On the other hand, why am I trying to lose weight anyway? I’m running and going to Zumba again, my husband still loves me, I’ve got an excellent life…why again is losing weight so important to me? So I can look good in a pair of jeans? Is that really where I want my time and energy to go? To attaining the perfect butt? Sometimes in the grand scheme of things, this whole weight loss thing just seems so trivial (to me). But on the other hand, I realize that just because I don’t have health issues NOW doesn’t mean I won’t get them in the future if I don’t lose weight now. But on the other hand (yes I have four hands, it comes in handy (ha!) with 3 kids), I feel like if I am focused on weight loss, I’m not focusing on other more important things like volunteering for some worthy cause. Why can’t I do both? Have you met me? I do not multitask well. I have burned many dinners because I decided I needed to pay bills (or something else) whilst cooking. So what’s a perimenopausal girl to do? I don’t know. Seriously, I DON’T KNOW. Tell me, Oh Wise Readers, how I should live my life!  ;)

Speaking of being perimenopausal (good gravy that is a long word to type out), I picked up a package of Estroven Plus Mood & Memory at the store the other day. It’s basically a mulitvitamin with some black cohosh and ginkgo biloba thrown in. I’ve been taking them for about 10 days now and I can definitely tell a difference. I’m 4 days away from my Lady Time and I have very few PMS symptoms right now. No tenderness in my ta-tas, no wildly swinging emotions, I haven’t felt the need to punch anyone in the throat…I just feel really EVEN. It’s a good feeling. Strange, but good.  Let’s hope this feeling lasts. Forever.

Okay, so that’s it for now. It’s almost my lunch hour and I’m going to head to the local grocery store and pick up a premade salad and some fruit for lunch. Then after work today, I’ll do a real grocery shop and get plenty of healthy stuff and you all won’t have to hear me bitch and whine about not having anything healthy to eat. Sounds good to me! :)

 

 

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18 comments

The Difference a Day Makes

May 25, 2012

Wednesday was a horrible, no good, very bad day for me.  Just one of those days that is a disaster from the get-go – oh nothing serious, mind you, but a day filled with irks and irritations galore.  And although I’ve made some good progress with my emotional eating, on this day I threw all my knowledge out the window and dove headfirst into a binge. I totaled up my calories for the day and came in around 2200, which is not horrible and it’s much less than I had anticipated, but as I sat in the recliner rubbing my bloated belly like Homer Simpson, I felt defeated. It was definitely a low point.

However!!

On Thursday, I rocked it like a hurricane. I kicked Wednesday in the teeth by re-reading all my BED materials and making a plan to eat healthy all day long. I ate oatmeal and salad and apples and chicken during the day and a small portion of spaghetti before Zumba class last night (anyone else carbo-load before Zumba?). I totaled up my calories* and came in around 1100 calories for the day. Not once all day did I feel hungry or deprived. I felt great last night and my Zumba-high lasted until about a half hour before bedtime.

Now normally after a day like Wednesday (anyone else mentally say “Wed-nes-day” when they are typing out that word?) it would take me several days to get my act together, but I was determined NOT to let one bad day turn into a bad week and a half. Although I have a little muscle soreness from the groove-fest that is Zumba, I feel really great this morning, mentally and physically. So lesson learned here is, just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you don’t have a good day in you somewhere. Oh it’s there, you just gotta dig it out.

OH!!! Oh! Oh! Oh!!!!!   I almost forgot…I finally broke through to 184.4 this morning and I’ve lost several inches all over! I’ve been bouncing around between 185-188 for so long that I was starting to think my scale was broken. And while my weight loss isn’t huge, my inches lost are getting pretty impressive, so I know things are happening with my body even if the scale is a little late to the party.  *insert happy dance here*

AND! And! And! And! I felt actual muscle in my thigh last night!! After I got home from Zumba, I for some reason rubbed my leg and was shocked that it was somewhat firm. I made Shawn touch it and of course he just looked at me like I was crazy, but I was excited. I guess all that running is actually doing something!  *let’s all happy dance again, shall we?*

Have a great Memorial Weekend and don’t forget to remember all those brave veterans who fought so hard so we can happy dance in a free country.  :)

*I don’t typically count my calories, but I was curious. I don’t plan on doing it all the time because it typically brings out the crazy in me. But it’s okay if it’s in the name of science. 

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Food reactions, by golly!

May 18, 2012

Ugh. Instead of going down the road of “I’m a failure” every time I mess up with food, I’m trying to learn from it. Here are some things I have learned about myself over the last few months:

  • 2 glazed donuts = I feel okay. Eating 3 (or more) donuts makes me feel like I’m gonna hurl.
  • Eating flour tortillas make me want to take a nap. Carb coma anyone?
  • I can’t get enough cereal. Any kind of cereal. One bowl is never enough, so it’s better if I just don’t eat it at all. (Hi I’m Jill and I’m a cereal junkie.)
  • Egg noodles are addictive and I don’t want to stop eating them. They make me feel sluggish and bloated.
  • I am at this point powerless against commercial birthday cakes. Buttercream icing makes me want to do bad things in a food porn kinda way.
  • PopTarts and milk at 10 o’clock at night are never a good idea. Waking up with a stomach ache is no way to start the day.

So basically what I’m learning is that simple carbs are not my friend. Duh. I never said I was the brightest bulb in the lamp.

I guess I’m the type that can read all the nutritional information in the world, but until I experience it myself first hand, I’m not going to believe it. At the beginning of this week for about 3 days most of my meals consisted of a lean protein and vegetables or fruit and nuts. I had tons of energy and felt almost…euphoric? I was nearly giddy – it was weird. As the week progressed and got busier, I opted for the old standby meals which are basically meat, starch, and a starchy vegetable. By last night I was so tired and had a stomach ache and just felt miserable – I don’t want to keep feeling that way.

Looking at my body as if it’s a big science experiment instead of judging myself for not being perfect is probably much healthier in the long run. It’s amazing what you can learn when you take away the judgement and self-flagellating thoughts, and instead observe how your body reacts to certain foods.

I may be 41 years old, but I’m still learning. I don’t know how long it will take me to get this figured out enough that I can be consistent enough to lose all the excess weight, but by golly I’m going to keep trying. (Yes. Yes I did just say “by golly”. Apparently I’m channeling my grandpa today.) 

Happy Weekend folks!! :)

Posted by in Emotional Eating, nutrition Tags: ,

14 comments

Believe it

May 17, 2012

Let’s play a little game today. Trust me it’s fun as well as enlightening!

First a question: What do you believe is holding you back from achieving your goals or getting the results you want?

Do you have your answer? Take a moment to think about it if you like, I’ll wait…

Got it? Good.

(For me,  I don’t really, honestly, truly, deep down in my believer, believe that I can lose this weight. Which is sad, but I really think this is it.)

Second, imagine flipping that around and saying “I DO believe I can lose this extra weight” (or you can say the opposite of whatever your answer is).

Now, here’s the cool part…think about how you would FEEL if you did believe the flipped-around version of your answer. Close your eyes and really focus on the emotions you would have if you truly believed it. What would those emotions be?  And what would the resulting actions be?

For example, how would I feel if I KNEW I could lose this extra weight?  How would that impact my actions?

If I believed (and I mean 100% believed) I could lose this weight, I would feel like nothing could stop me. I wouldn’t question whether or not I could consistently exercise or consistently make healthy choices when eating, I would just do it. I would always have my goal in the back of my mind influencing my decisions and it would be rather simple to make the best possible choice in the moment.

So maybe instead of relying on my actions to get me to my goal, I should instead rely on BELIEVING I can do it which will in turn lead to the actions needed to make that goal a reality.

I’ve been doing this backwards for 16 years. Most of you probably have been doing it backwards too. It’s time to take a different approach, don’t you think?

Edited to add: I wrote this post last week and since then, I have been focusing on BELIEVING I can lose the weight and have peace with food. I’ve using some techniques (that I’ll post about later) to help cement this belief in my head, and you know what? IT’S WORKING. I’m starting to truly believe that I CAN do it, and as a result I’ve been eating better and working out has more meaning – and it’s not such a struggle to do either one. This whole idea elaborates on what my guest poster was talking about in this post. 

Did you do this exercise? And if you did, what emotions came up for you? If you want to share, feel free in the comments. Also, anyone else have Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing stuck in their head after reading this? ;)

Posted by in Emotional Eating, fitness Tags: , ,

7 comments

What would you do?

May 16, 2012

Today is the funeral for the mother of one of my coworkers. Everyone in the office is going except for me. I thought that one or two others wouldn’t be going, but I just found out that they all are going (there are 5).  One of my other coworkers feels very strongly about going – it’s almost mandatory according to him – and I think everyone else is going just because he has made such a thing about it, but I feel that sending a sympathy card is appropriate enough. Also, I’m not so good with funerals and having my coworkers see me do the ugly cry (let’s face it, all my cries are ugly cries) would kill any professionalism I have managed to assemble.

And also…the coworker whose mother died? Is the coworker who told me a couple of years ago that he had feelings for me and implied that he would be willing to cheat on his wife with me.  This freaked me out so much and affected my work in such a way that I went on a 2 year binge and gained 40 pounds.

Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and be an adult and go to the funeral, but then there’s another part of me that feels like I don’t want to be anywhere near this guy. Even now, I avoid him at all times unless it is absolutely necessary that I speak to him.  So being in a situation where I have to offer sympathy to him and his wife and kids feels strange and awkward and not something I want to deal with.

I will send a sympathy card, and I feel that is appropriate enough. I don’t think I owe him any more than that, and I believe I also owe it to myself to stand up to the peer pressure of attending a funeral that I do not want to attend.

So what would you all do? Put all the junk behind you and go the funeral “out of respect” for the coworker (this is what the other coworker said was his reason for going), or would you do what feels right for you, even if it is the opposite of what everyone else is doing?

 

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Overcome Binge Eating (Guest Post)

May 14, 2012

Hey guys! Remember when I talked about the BED ebook I was going through? Well the author of that ebook, Stefanie Nielsen, has agreed to do a guest post which touches on the core of her coaching program. This has been very helpful to me and I thought it might be for some of you as well, so enjoy! 

 

You’ve had a bad day with food! Okay… maybe it’s been a bad two weeks or two months. And you’ve started feeling frustrated and you’re ready for a change.

I’ve been there and these are thoughts that would go through my mind:

  • “Tomorrow will be different”.
  • “I just need the right diet plan to get started.”
  • “I just need to have more will power.”
  • “I’ll start doing these right ‘tomorrow’ morning.”

But what happens when tomorrow comes?

More often than not, it’s not perfect. You ‘screw’ up and ‘tomorrow’ is put off until ‘tomorrow’ again.

Overcoming binge eating, emotional eating, compulsive overeating, and other eating patterns is more than just ‘willing’ yourself to stop. It’s a process that is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

When you focus on only the physical aspect (diet, exercise, and what your body looks like) you end up cycling back and forth between being ‘on the wagon’ and ‘falling off’. It creates the battle within yourself of being ‘good’ or being ‘bad’. It becomes an endless cycle of self judgement and criticism that fuels overeating and in turn restricting.

You may be thinking, “Well if a diet and exercise program aren’t going to ‘fix me’ – then what is?! I need to stop this NOW.”

The truth is that YOU’RE NOT BROKEN – you never were and you don’t need to be ‘fixed’.

We’ve all been taught that actions get results right? That is why when we need to make a change we focus on our actions.

While actions do create results… have you ever stopped to think about what creates your actions?

  • What makes you want to eating everything in sight when you’re stressed?
  • Why can’t you seem to stop eating even after you’re full?
  • Why do you continually do things even though your inner voice is begging you not to?

Beneath the level of action are your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. If you were building a house, it would go something like this…

  • Your THOUGHTS and BELIEFS are your FOUNDATION.
  • Your EMOTIONS are your WALLS.
  • And your ROOF is your ACTIONS.
  • All these culminate into the structure of your ‘house’ or your RESULTS.

You cannot build a house that will withstand the storms of life without a proper foundation. The foundation is where you start if you want to create lasting changes in ANY area of your life.

Change must come at the level of your beliefs and thoughts in order for your emotions, actions, and results to shift.

If you are ready to create this shift in your own life; be sure to get signed up for the FREE CALLS that will be happening on Tuesday May 15th 2012.

Stefanie Nielsen is no stranger to emotional eating, depression, poor self-image, negative self-talk, and binge eating.  She has experienced them all and has found her way to the ‘other side’.  She has shifted her life into one of discovery, strength, and clarity.  Stefanie is also a S.W.A.T. Certified Personal Empowerment Coach.

Have questions or comments for Stefanie? Leave them in the comments or email me and I’ll make sure she gets them! 

Posted by in Emotional Eating Tags: ,

5 comments

I’m actually going to post this one

May 10, 2012

I have about 4 or 5 half finished posts in my drafts that I almost accidentally published but then I deleted so if you read me in a Reader then you come over here and there aren’t any posts that is why.

You’re welcome for that incredibly long yet makes no sense sentence. Much like that sentence.

Sheesh.

ANYWAY,  I gathered you all here today to let you know that time is slipping away my friends. In case you didn’t know it already.

My kids end their school year next Tuesday  and I’m suddenly VERY AWARE of how time seems to be zooming away at the speed of light. I am handling this fact as maturely and gracefully as you would imagine, which is to say, not handling it well at all.

My oldest will be in 10th grade in the fall, and when I was in school 10th grade started high school (junior high was 7th, 8th, & 9th grade). At my kids school now, they have a Mid High which is 9th & 10th, and High School is 11th & 12th. But in my mind, 10th grade = high school.

Here’s how I am on the outside to anyone who asks about him:

Oh yeah he’ll be in 10th grade next year. He’s going to take Driver’s Ed in the fall and he still loves marching band. We’re looking at which colleges he might go to or what route he might take after high school. It’s all good.

Here’s how I am on the inside while appearing calm and cool:

MY BABY IS TOO YOUNG TO BE IN BIG SCHOOL WITH THOSE BIG KIDS AND HE’S TOO YOUNG TO DRIVE AND HE’S TOO YOUNG TO BE HUGGING THAT GIRL AND WHY GOD WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LET HIM GROW UP SO SOON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Freaking the heck OUT is what I’m doing.

Also, my middle one will be entering middle school in the fall and I’m a wee bit sad that she won’t be in elementary school anymore. More than that, I sort of dread the middle school girl drama that she will most likely have to endure. Some of it has begun already, but if memory serves me correctly, it tends to get worse in grades 6th – 8th.

Seriously, if I could go back and freeze a specific time, I would freeze the year my kids were 11, 7, and 3 and keep it there forever. FOR.EV.ER.

I’m so thankful that I still have a child in the elementary school – she’ll enter 2nd grade next school year and you better believe I’m going to milk every minute of her grade school time.  Poor thing, she’s going to be surprised to find that her shadow is actually me.

And do you all know what I do when I’m dealing with unpleasantness? I’ll give you ten guesses…and I’ll give you ten hints:

1 – 10) EAT!

I’m trying guys, I really am. I’m trying to not eat my feelings but it is so, so  hard. I’ve done really well today, and I’m hoping that by getting it all out here, I won’t feel so inclined to stuff the feelings down with food.

My nest is not empty but my first baby bird will be leaving too soon. How do all you other mama birds deal with this? and will it be traumatic for my son if I go to school with him every day for the next 3 years? I don’t think so. He’ll learn to deal with it.  ;)

 

 

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An Ode to Friday

May 4, 2012

Oh Friday, how I love you. You are the end, yet you are also the beginning. The spring in my step, the way my fingers fly across my keyboard, the hopeful glint in my eye…it’s all because of you, Friday. You are the light at the end of a long, long tunnel, and the promise of good things to come. You are so full of potential and hope – is there any other day quite like you Friday? I think not. You are special to me.

You know what I love most about you? I don’t have to set my alarm when I go to bed. It’s such a small thing but it brings me so much delight. It’s the little things in life that make us truly happy, right? Thank you Friday, for that one small treasure.

Thank you also for being pizza and movie night. Or backyard campfire night. Or mama’s night out on the town. It doesn’t matter what the activity is, because the feeling is always like letting out a nice long sigh…”aaaahhhhhh”. Yes, Friday, you rock the casbah in so many ways.

So I salute you, dear Friday. I applaud you for being the day that everyone loves. You have my undying devotion.

I love you.

Posted by in fitness Tags:

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Working through it

May 3, 2012

I’m not gonna lie, y’all. The last 10 days or so have been rough (in a suburban American white woman’s way).  I have not been able to get control of my eating and it is starting to wear me down, but I’ve learned a few things from the Overcoming Binge Eating ebook that has helped me work through it. One of the things suggested is to keep a journal – I’ve never kept a journal before (yeah I know this blog could be considered a journal, but mostly when I blog, it’s because I have something to tell YOU), and I’m finding that I really like it. It’s a great place to just let it all out, or to think through an idea, or whatever.  I wanted to share what I wrote in my journal this morning because it might help someone else out there.

May 3, 2012

I am having a really hard time right now. My appetite feels like it’s out of control – like I’m out of control. I hate what I’ve become. I keep asking myself if this plan is going to be any different than anything else I’ve tried. I’m starting to feel the familiar desperation that comes when I try to lose weight and it’s not going as well as I like – I hate that feeling because it fills me with anxiety. So let’s break this down – anxiety is based in fear – what do I fear? I fear that I won’t ever be able to lose this weight and I’ll just keep gaining and gaining. I don’t want to be fat for the rest of my life.

It’s at this point that I heard a little voice in my head saying “but what if this isn’t true?”

But if I counter my own argument – what if I do have what it takes to lose the weight? What if all it takes is a little time and effort – I can do that. I have that in me. I  have time – the effort does not come as easily, but then I guess it wouldn’t be called “effort” would it? I need to just relax and take it one meal at a time, one day at a time. I’ve had a rough few days, but I’m PMSing and that always makes things more difficult. I’m going to find something to help me deal with the PMS, then  I’m going to make a shopping list with good healthy foods on it (because it all begins in the shopping cart) and then I’m going to get back to training seriously for The Color Run. If I do all of these things, that will take care of the effort and the time will take care of itself.

I feel so much better and much less anxious since I was able to work through it in my journal. The quiet desperation is gone and is replaced with a quiet “I can do this” feeling. Honestly, if I hadn’t had my journal, I would still be mired in anxiety right now. I always balked at keeping a journal, but now that I see its benefits, I will continue using it.

Do any of you keep a journal outside of your blog? Does anyone else think with their pen like I do? (Seriously, I think my brain is connected to my writing hand – it doesn’t stay in there until I write it out, which is also why I can’t go to the store without a list and expect to come home with anything.)

Posted by in Emotional Eating Tags: , , ,

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As my hair goes, so goes my day

May 2, 2012

Do you ever have those days that even before you get out of bed, you just know? You just KNOW the day is going to give you heck? I had one of those yesterday.

It was a low self esteem day right from the start and it culminated in me feeling like a greasy spot on the road of life.

It started, as any bad day does, with my hair. It just wouldn’t cooperate no matter how much mousse or how much hairspray I used. Call me shallow, but as my hair goes, so goes my day.   And then for some odd reason, I pulled a shirt out of my closet that I don’t particularly care for but I wore it anyway. This shirt is weird because some days I really like the way it fits and other days it makes me feel matronly. Guess how it made me feel this day? I would have felt sexier in a muumuu. But I was running late and chose to just deal with it.  And to top it all off, my jeans were feeling super snug thanks to a Monday night binge that I don’t even want to talk about. So here I am, with bad hair, feeling all matronly and puffy. Not a winning combination.

So I go through my day trying really hard to make the best of it (and by that I mean I tried to just ignore it). After work I took the kids up to the school for a small art show presented by the Art Club that showcases all the art the students have worked on during the year. I have to say, my son has some talent! He drew a picture of an eagle using pastels (do you draw with pastels?) and it was really very nice. Of course he could have made a finger painting and I would think it’s good. But I’m getting off track here…

After the art show we were going to meet my husband for dinner after his eye appointment, and since we got out of there earlier than I thought we would, we decided to stop by the eye doc’s place and meet Shawn there.  My eye doctor is a woman who(m) we’ve known for several years. Her husband and mine have gone fishing together in the past, my husband has done some landscaping work for them, and she’s been our eye doctor for a couple of years now, so I am very familiar with her. She is also blond, tan, in her 30s and dresses impeccably. She always looks put-together and self assured.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

And of course yesterday was no exception. My kids and I burst in the door while Shawn is getting fitted for some frames and as always the doc is warm and friendly. I notice she has lost some weight – not a lot, maybe 20 pounds or so, but she looks great.

And tan.

And blond.

Guess how I looked? Well here, let me give you a visual:

Here’s how she looked -

And here’s how I looked-

Yeah.

I wish I could tell you that my eye doctor is mean and cold and uncaring, but…she’s not. She’s a very nice person, and I’m sure she has her own issues to deal with, but yesterday she was the very thing I aspired to be, but failed to be. And I know, I know, comparing myself to others is unproductive and pointless and bad for the environment (isn’t everything?) but when you are face to face with someone who is exactly the opposite of how you are feeling? It’s hard to just let that go.

Today is a much better day already – new shampoo will do that. My hair is cooperating, my outfit is much more flattering, and I’m not nearly as puffy (thank you water and treadmill), so I’m feeling pretty good so far. I’m thinking all of the positive thoughts I can think and trying hard to leave yesterday in the past.

I know that one of these days I’ll be on the other side  - I’ll be the confident, self assured woman and someone else will play the role of greasy spot, and I hope at that time I can remember to put my arm around her and say “honey, I know how you feel”. And maybe she won’t feel so greasy then.

Anyone else ever have this experience? Is there someone in your life who makes you feel like the greasy spot? Anyone have any hair products that are fool proof?

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Hi! This is my face.

Hey there! Thanks for stopping by and please don't forget to tell yourself that you are FABULOUS!

My favorite quote

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson

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My weight loss goals

~Mini goal - 185

~Short term goal - 170

~Goal I can live with - 155

~Goal that would thrill me to death - 145

~Ridiculously insane goal - 130

You all are so witty!

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