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A 40-something woman trying to lose 40-something pounds

Monthly Archives: February 2011

Hey gang!

So I decided that enough is enough and I need to change the way I eat. I go for the lazy option too often and I need to experiment a little. So for my first experiment, I’m going old skool and bustin’ out the South Beach Diet book. I’ve done SB before and had success with it – it helped me lose 30 pounds and I felt great (disclaimer -I was also taking an appetite suppressant and working out daily), so I figured I would try it again. I may very well be the only person on the planet doing SBD right now, but oh well. I’m trying to find something that I can live with for the rest of my life, because let’s face it, my way hasn’t been working. Contrary to what a lot of folks believe, SBD is NOT a low carb diet. The first 2 weeks are low carb, yes, but after Phase 1 you get to add in some good healthy carbs and you build from there. Phase 1 is going to be the toughest for me because I’m a carb lovin gal the likes of which you’ve never seen before!

Here’s a rundown of how the first few days have gone:

Day 1 – Oh man, this is so easy! Why did I wait so long to do this? Phase 1 is going to be a piece of (sugar free) cake!

Day 2 – Note to self – woman cannot live on vegetables alone. Protein is your friend!!! Make sure you have enough with your salad at lunchtime or you will be STARVING CRANKY WENCH by dinner time.

Day 3 – Oh jeez what am I doing? I can’t handle this. I think I’m going through junk food withdrawal. Any why did I promise the kids we could go to CherryBerry? I feel anxious and I’m pretty sure I’ve way more pistachios than I should have. This sucks. Sucks Sucks Sucks!!!

Day 4 – Started the day with a minor indiscretion, but I’m not beating myself up for it. I’m just going to continue on as if nothing happened. I feel better today and the cravings have been easier to deal with. I also started my Lady Time today, so that could have been what was wrong with me yesterday.

Day 5 – Do you smell jet fuel? Because today I crashed and burned in a most spectacular way.  I won’t discuss the carnage, but I think it was the result of not eating breakfast until way late, plus I’ve been eating the same foods for the last 5 days and when the easy option presented itself, I went for it like a 12 year old girl goes for Justin Bieber. I’ve got new foods now, though, so hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Day 6 – Much better today. Feeling pretty good. I think I’m getting the handle of this.

Day 7 – I’m sick of Phase1!! Phase 1 sucks!! I want some carbs dammit!!!

 

So I’m halfway through Phase 1, and it cannot end soon enough. I’m so ready to start Phase 2 and start adding some stuff back in. There’s only so much you ( I ) can do with salad and meat. I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost – not much I’m afraid. But really the point of doing this is to see if this (not Phase 1) is something I can do for most of the rest of my life. The plan is to give it a solid month and then see if I feel like it’s working or if I think I need to try something else.

So far I have learned that I love love love roasted vegetables! I love it when the broccoli gets cripsy and when the zuccini gets smoky. Mmmm so yummy! So if for no other reason than that, I consider this a success.

We’ll see how week 2 goes though – it’s going to be a challenge because week one has felt like it has been 28 days long. Learning how to eat differently is going to be harder than I thought!

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I had sort of a tiny little epiphany yesterday. I was thinking about my current job and how unchallenging and unfulfilling it is and I asked myself why I stay. This is a decent paying job with great benefits and a boss who, even if he is somewhat of a dim-witted redneck, pretty much lets me run the show. If I need to take some time off, he is more than willing to let me do whatever I need to do. The people here are good to me and it is a very easy job. This job provides security and stability and braces for my kids teeth.

These are good, valid reasons to stay. Good, valid, joyless, soul crushing reasons. So why don’t I take the plunge and go find my bliss? I’ll tell you…

It’s FEAR. I’m afraid.

I’m afraid I might make the wrong decision. What if I find another, more challenging, job and I end up hating it? What if, instead of a dimwitted redneck, I end up with a know-it-all jerk of a boss who makes my life hell? What if I don’t find another job at all? What will my kids teeth look like if they had to take the braces off now?

Fear. Keeps me stuck in this job.

I have been thinking about my health and my weight and I know that the binge eating that I have relied on for the last year has served its purpose, but now it’s time to let it go. I’m ready to let go of this thirty pound gain – it’s been right at a year (give or take a few days) since the Awkward Coworker incident that started my downward spiral into Binge Hell. I finally feel ready to put my conscious self back in the driver’s seat and start losing this weight. But there is one thing that keeps me from actually starting…

Fear.

What if I can’t do this? Maybe I’m not ready to give up the comfort of cookies and mac n cheese? Staying where I am right now would be so easy – no effort to put forth, no planning, no saying “no” to the easy choices. The fear of actually making changes is hard to shake. But the desire to change is also hard to shake.

Right now today, the fear is equally balanced with the desire. If I stay perfectly still and make no moves whatsoever, nothing will change. I will feel noble because I have the desire, but I won’t have to challenge the fear. It seems like a win-win, right? Wrong. Because I know that eventually the fear will outweigh the desire and I will be stuck with this extra weight forever. And that is not acceptable to me.

Challenging fear is unfamiliar territory for me. I like the status quo. I like not rocking the boat. I am not a fan of drama, and turmoil. Geeze, I sound like a Stepford Wife with all my passivity (I think I’d rather be a Joan Jett – sassy rock stars who rock the boat are more fun, right?)

Anyway, I’m going to put my fingers in my mental ears and not listen to the fear when it whispers to me. I’m going to make some changes this week and see if I can get some momentum going. A trip to the grocery store, a trip to the park, and other assorted activities are all part of my plan this week to get out of the starting gate. We’ll see where it goes from there.

What is it they say about courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. (Ambrose Redmoon)

 

 


but it takes so much energy to sit down at this computer and bang out a well written post.  So in lieu of that, here’s some thoughts in very lazy bullet point form:

  • The snow is finally melting! We are digging out slowly but surely, thank goodness.
  • On Wednesday morning it was -2 degrees. This Thursday it’s supposed to be 70 degrees. Oklahoma weather is NUTS!
  • I worked out 2 days last week. Don’t laugh – that’s pretty good for me.
  • I am at my highest non-pregnancy weight EVER. I am a chunk o’ love right now.
  • I went to lunch with my friend Cindy at a place called Baja Jacks Burrito Shack and it was so so so good.  You can make the burritos as healthy or as unhealthy as you want. I went the healthy route (don’t laugh, I really did) with chicken, black beans, avocado, lettuce, yogurt sauce and some other stuff I can’t remember on a wheat tortilla. I will be going there again.
  • After we had lunch we went shopping and I scored some amazing deals.
  • There is nothing like a dressing room mirror to make you see the cold, hard, cottage-cheesy truth.
  • Dressing rooms are the devil’s lair.
  • I got some really nice bling from my husband for Valentine’s Day. A necklace, matching bracelet and earrings, and a ring. I got him The Best of Foreigner cd. I suck.
  • I have to go pick up Girl Scout cookies tomorrow so the 10 year old can sell them. Please pray for me.

Okay, that’s it. That’s all I can manage right now. Whew! that was a lot of work. I’m going to bed now.

G’night!

 

 


Before I get to Snowmageddon, go to Karly’s site and check out the article I wrote for her. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!  :)

Back to Snoklahoma…

I am so over the snow.

We got 2 feet of snow dumped on us Monday night and I have been stuck in the house ever since. Yesterday I was really in a funk. Not enough sleep and cabin fever did not make for a happy day. I was bored, but I didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t hungry, but I ate cookies anyway. I finally snapped out of it early in the evening and didn’t eat for the rest of the night. Feeling better today, but so ready to get out and do something. It has started snowing again, so I don’t know if I’ll make it out after all. UGH!!!

Shawn has been working 12 hour days moving snow for people in town, so even though he’s home, he hasn’t been at home very much, which sucks but he’s making a pretty decent amount of money, so I guess that’s good. He’ll probably have to leave again on Sunday, which is also my son’s 14th birthday. I can’t believe he’s that old!! I miss his chunky 2 year old self. Fourteen years go by so fast…

Speaking of that, I always look at that day as the start of my weight struggles. I’ve been fighting this battle for F-O-U-R-T-E-E-N YEARS. I am so over it. I just CANNOT go on like this, I don’t want to do this for another 14 or 40 years. I just can’t. This has got to be the year I make significant changes – just not sure how to make it happen. I mean, I know how to make it happen, just not sure how to make it happen, ya know what I mean?

I am so over being fat.

Oh great, the snowflakes are getting bigger. That is not good. We don’t need more snow!! And to make it even better, there’s ANOTHER chance of snow on Tuesday. So sick of it. Really I am.

So to recap this super inspiring, happy cheerful post – I am over the snow and I am over being fat. Aren’t you glad I took the time to post today? What would you all do without my perky, gleeful self?  Okay, I’m off to do…something. Maybe I’ll have my own triathalon today – the elliptical, my new yoga dvd, and the Wii Fit. I need an endorphin overload STAT!!

Check ya later chickies!



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