Super-rambly weekend recap

Howdy Y’all!

Did you have a good weekend? I spent most of my weekend at my mom’s house helping her get ready for our family reunion this coming weekend. I’m excited that I get to be with my sisters and their families – we all only live a couple hours away from each other, but we don’t get everyone together very often. When we do get together, it’s a blast!

Man, I have got the cravings something fierce today. I will admit, I ate more junk than usual over the weekend – quantities weren’t bad, but the quality very, very bad – so it has carried over into this morning. I could really go for a donut right now, even though I know if wouldn’t hold me over for more than half an hour. Really need to do some serious detoxing of the sugar…right after I have a donut.

Ack – today is really busy at work. I really hate it when everything happens at once!

Oh – sad, sad news to report: my mp3 player went through the washing machine Friday night and is now officially dead. Why is this significant? Because I cannot work out without my tunes blaring in my ears pushing me to work harder and longer. Seriously, I feel derailed… betrayed…abandoned. I have too many other purchases coming up in the near future (food for family reunion and Sarah’s birthday later this month) so I can’t just run right out and buy a new one. Not really sure how I’m going to handle this. I may have to dig Jillian and her evil Shred out of the DVD cabinet and go with that for awhile until I can gather the funds to purchase replacement motivation, because I seriously need to get back on the workout wagon. I’ve been slacking the last couple of weeks, and I don’t want to slack off any more – I get too many benefits from working out regularly to just quit.

The weather here today is GOR-GEE-OUS!!! Seriously, you would never believe it is August – it feels more like October. That’s part of the reason I’m psyched to work out – a change in the weather always makes want to move and groove. I’m so ready for Fall. I’m ready for caramel-scented candles, ready to decorate my house in Autumn décor, ready for high school football games, ready to buy new sweaters and jeans and boots!! Really, what’s not to love about Fall???

Okay it’s taken my 3 hours to write this one little post, so I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. It’s almost lunch time, and after lunch I have lots to do, so I’m just going to go ahead and post this while I have the chance. Have a good Monday!

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Let me be myself

So I’ve been thinking about my weight loss and my confidence level and why when the former goes down the latter goes up. Is it because I think I’m totally smokin hot? Um, no. Is it because I’m getting all sorts of wolf whistles and positive attention? Again, no, not so much.

I think it’s because I finally start recognizing the woman in the mirror. Let me ‘splain…no there is too much, let me sum up…

Even though I stayed at 163 pounds and above for the last 13 years, I spent the first 25 years of my life at a “normal” weight. When I looked in the mirror, the image was the same (if only a little bit older each time), so after my son was born (and unfortunately he didn’t weigh 45 pounds) I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. For the better part of 13 years I haven’t been myself – the self I internally visualize myself to be. I have felt out of sorts for a long time because I just didn’t know who this person was in that bigger body – she was self-conscious and shy, no self-esteem, she was afraid that people didn’t like her, she was jealous and wished skinny people would disappear, she became somewhat of a doormat – she was a big mousy mess.

Last summer when I lost 30+ pounds, I started finding my old self again, except that I think I was more concerned how everyone else saw me – Look at me! Look at what I’ve done! This time around (I gained back about 15 pounds over the winter and started losing again this summer), I’m more concerned with how I see me. I’m finally starting to recognize those shoulders, my hands and feet are more familiar now, and my waist is slowly but surely starting to look like the waist I (and my husband) know and love. I know this person. I know what to expect from this person – she’s funny and loves to laugh out loud (really loud cackling laughs), and she genuinely wants everyone to be happy. I know this woman, I like this woman, I feel comfortable with this woman.

So there I was, driving down the road and this song comes on. And it pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling. Here are the lyrics, and tell me if this resonates with you too.

 Let Me Be Myself lyrics

I guess i just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain
But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around
and find myself some day

Lately I’m so tired of waiting for you
To say that it’s OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Would you Let Me Be Myself
Coz I’ll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I’ll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It’s time to make my way
Into the world i knew
And take back all of these times
That I gave in to you

Lately I’m so tired of waiting for you
To say that it’s OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don’t mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

That’s all i ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..

Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don’t mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

I loved this song, so I found the video…and now I REALLY love this song! Check it out to see why!! ;)

Isn’t that hilarious and sad all at the same time?!

Have a great day y’all!

All is well in Sassyville

Okay so even though I didn’t get to bed early last night, today I am surprisingly well rested! I even woke up at like midnight…in a good mood. What’s up with that? Seriously, I woke up feeling all cheerful and then when I realized I could still sleep for 5 more hours, I was a little bit giddy. Is this how dementia starts, I wonder?

One thing that I forgot to mention about my boss in yesterday’s post is that he’s a redneck. Yep, he’s a bona fide Good Ole Boy, so if you go back and re-read those bossisms and imagine an Okie drawl, then you’ll really get an even better idea of why I call my office Hillbilly Hell. And yeah, I often wonder how he ended up in a position of leadership and authority…and why I’m working for him. Boggles the mind, I tell ya.

In all my snarky excitement yesterday, I forgot to mention that I got a blog award! The lovely and talented Jenn gave me this:


WMBS Award

 Isn’t it great?! Thanks Jenn – I really do appreciate it!! :)

Well we haven’t had a weight update in a while have we? As of this morning, I am down to 155 – can I get an awww yeah?! So that puts me 3 pounds away from my low of 152, and 5 pounds away from my short term goal of 150, and 15 pounds away from my official goal of 140, and 25 pounds away from my super-ultimate-but-probably-unattainable goal of 130. I would have been a lot lower by now, but exercise has come to a screeching halt the last couple of weeks. I’ve been staying active, just haven’t done much bucket-sweating-formal exercise, and that’s what really sheds the poundage for me (I don’t care what Time magazine says). Truth be told, I’m kind of bored with the elliptical, and I have the strangest urge to…run. GASP! SHOCK! AWE! I know, I know, every year about this time I say I want to be a runner, and I go on a couple of half-assed runs and then I stop running. But really? The Urge has been with me for a while now, and if I could just find a) a good location and b) the time , I would totally go running. Maybe I’ll carve out some time this weekend – who knows.

Okay well, time to get my hillbilly work done so I can make my hillbilly boss look good. I hope you all have a great Wednesday – we are halfway through the week!! Woohoo!

Things that tick me off

I’m tired today. I was tired yesterday. I think I crammed too much into one weekend, and now I’m paying for it, but that seems to be how I live my life since I went back to work almost 3 years ago. Two days a week just isn’t enough time to get everything done.

So since I’m feeling a bit tired and snarky, I thought I’d share with you some things that bug me, because Debby likes it when I’m snarky and I haven’t had a good “I’m ticked off at the world” post in a while.

Thing 1 – my boss has a few sayings that, around here, are legendary. He has a way of taking a well known saying or phrase and messing it up just enough to make it funny. I’ve thought of discretely correcting him, but then I wouldn’t have anything to snicker at while I’m at work. And here’s the rub, these are the things he says REPEATEDLY. A mistake once in a while is understandable, once a week is just hilarious.

• Liable = reliable. “The customer is RELIABLE for that charge.”

• Rape me over the coals = rake me over the coals. “He’s trying to rape me over the coals by charging that much!”

• Nip it in the butt = nip it in the bud

• Admit girl = Administrative Assistant (me)

• Surpassed = ??? “Maybe corporate will be surpassed with that information” I have no idea what he means by using this word – pacified, maybe?

• Flusterated = frustrated

• Accured = accrued. “you accure 1 vacation day for every 1.364 months of work”

• Proclaimer = disclaimer. “put a proclaimer in there that we aren’t reliable for that”

• Let dead dogs die = let sleeping dogs lie

No lie, people. You can’t make this stuff up.

 

Thing 2 – When my grumpy-ass husband fails to greet me in the morning in the manner to which I am accustomed: “Good morning, how’d you sleep?” Today I got, “I’m out of socks.” And “There’s no more paper towels” to which I replied, “I’m going to the store after work” to which he replied “well that doesn’t do me any good right now does it” to which I replied (in my head) “Stupid jerk-face!”. When he asked “what’s up your craw” I very loudly replied “YOU!” and then I stormed out the door and headed to work. Ah, yes it was a lovely morning in the Sassy Pear household! Luckily the kiddos were still asleep, so they couldn’t see how childishly their parents were acting. Don’t worry, he’ll apologize later, and so will I (with paper towels in hand) and all will be right in the world again. Until then though, he’s still a stupid jerk face.

 

Thing 3 – When I truly, madly, deeply want to go to bed early, but I can’t. Last night for instance – kids homework done, dinner dishes put away, Mallory already asleep in bed, everything finished by 8:45, so I could be in bed by 9pm. I brushed teeth, washed face, put on pjs and crawled into bed. I was in bed a full 30 seconds before Mallory started coughing… and coughing… and coughing. I got up and gave her some allergy meds (she gets the drainage thing going and then coughs – the allergy stuff usually clears it right up), and crawled back into bed. She continued to cough. And cough. And cough some more. The hubs went and got her and put her in our bed whereupon she woke up and decided sleepy time was over. I was thrilled. I’m not kidding you, it happens every damn time I think I’m going to get to bed early – one of the kids decides to have a coughing fit, or something else and I end up staying up later than usual, so the next day I am tired and cranky and irritable and no amount of coffee or heroine is going to get me moving or get me happy so here I am blogging about it because really, there’s no one else I can tell these things to without some considerate soul saying something really helpful like ‘get over it’ and then I have to kill them and end up in jail, and really, that just isn’t going to help anyone is it?

 

Sigh

 

I need a nap.

 

cute pictures of puppies with captions

Confident that we are all the same

Okay, so for some reason I have this whole “confidence” vibe going on this week, and after reading Yum Yucky’s (as well as today’s) post on We Are The Real Deal and it got me thinking, “how many other women out there have stretch marks, and why are we so afraid of them?” And then I thought, “what if we found out that all of our friends and family have stretch marks and cellulite – would we then be okay with our own badges of life?”

Once upon a time, way back in the day of Junior-College Jill, there was a beauty pageant held at this little tiny JC I was attending. Normally, I could not have cared less about beauty pageants, but a friend of mine had entered – her goal was to make it to the Miss Oklahoma pageant. All of the girls were beautiful, and I remember thinking to myself that no way could I have entered because I had some serious cellulite on the backs of my thighs. Imagine my surprise when, during the bathing suit portion of the pageant, I noticed that 99% of the girls prancing around on stage had CELLULITE ON THE BACKS OF THEIR THIGHS!!!! I can totally remember the feeling of RELIEF I felt. Relief that I was not some flawed freak and most other girls my age had the same “affliction”. And just for the record, the 1% who did not have cellulite? My friend W, who won the pageant and went on to compete in Miss Oklahoma (she didn’t win). I don’t know if it was the lack of cellulite or the hours upon hours of coaching she had from a professional pageant-coach that won her the title of Miss Tiny Junior College (not the real title btw), but I prefer to believe it was the latter and not the former that won her the cubic zirconia crown.

The next time I felt this same relief is when the Dove Campaign for Beauty came out a few years ago. I had been through at least one pregnancy (maybe two by this time, I can’t remember exactly), and was feeling frumpy, dumpy, and fat. Once again I felt like the only woman in the world who had a poochy belly and thunder thighs. When those ads came out, I breathed that same sigh of relief to see that I was not the only pear body shape in the world (I come from a family of apples) and other women had short legs like mine.

Just knowing that there were (and are) other women out there who look like me, gives me a lot of confidence. It seems ironic to me that we (and by we, I mean a whole heck of a lot of us) yearn for small hips, thin thighs, long legs, and flat bellies because we believe that that’s how the rest of the world looks, or should look, and yet, if you look around, most women are naturally curvy with a slightly poochy tummy, rounded hips and thighs, and legs that don’t resemble those of a race horse. It doesn’t matter what size you are, you can have all of these things even if you are a size 2!

I guess what I want women to know is that it’s okay to have cellulite, because honestly we all have it, just like we all have noses. If you’ve had a baby, or you’ve lost/gained weight then you probably have stretch marks. If you’ve nursed a baby, then you probably have breasts that are headed south. If you are a female then you probably have curvy hips and thighs. IT’S OKAY – SO DO MOST WOMEN!!!!

I also think it’s totally fine to want to improve on those things if it’s what you want, but don’t feel like you are a freak of nature because you have some “gifts” that Father Time has bestowed upon you. He has pretty much bestowed them on all of us.

I was going to post a poll, but I’d like to hear from you all about your “badges” – do you have stretch marks, curvy hips, full thighs, large comfy bosoms, or a poochy belly? You can comment anonymously if you want, so don’t be afraid to speak up!

*Oh, what badges do I wear, you ask? Well, pretty much all of the above. I’ve got stretch marks, my size D girls are hanging a little lower than they used to, my stomach sticks out farther than my boobs, I could give JLo a run for her money on the booty thing, and my thighs would have been extremely popular when Rubens was the most sought after portrait artist back in the 17th century. All this packed into a size 12. And guess what? I’m not some hideous beast locked up in a tower. My friends think I’m beautiful, my husband thinks I’m totally hot, and when my hair is behaving, I feel pretty good about going out on the town. I even wore a bathing suit IN PUBLIC last week during our vacation – and no one vomited at the site of the cottage cheese attached to the backs of my thighs. 

Accept it, agree with it, and OWN it

Over the weekend I had the rare opportunity to sit down and watch an old movie. I love old movies, and I especially love Audrey Hepburn, so when I saw that Two for the Road (with Albert Finney) was about to begin I gathered up the unfolded laundry and settled in on the couch to watch (and fold).

The first thing I noticed while watching this movie (other than the fact that Albert Finney reminds me of Simon Cowell) was the way Audrey Hepburn carried herself. She was a tall woman, and most of the time when you see tall, thin women, they tend to slouch just ever so slightly. I know that Audrey was trained as a dancer when she was young, and so I suppose that is why she carried herself the way she did. Her posture was practically perfect: she always had her shoulders back, her back was straight, and yet she had a very easy way about her. She looked like she belonged in her body, was comfortable with it. I think it came from being confident, even though I know she had insecurities like every other woman (she hated her nose and wanted to have it and her teeth fixed). But it was natural for her to stand in such a way, so she looked elegant, not gangly.

The point is, she looked confident, whether she really felt that way or not. All weekend long, whenever I thought about that movie, I would put my shoulders back and stand up straighter, and pretty soon I started to feel confident. And then I started thinking about how I finally learned to feel confident and how that led to learning to accept and OWN a compliment.

All through my teenage years, I was insecure – about my abilities in school (even though I was a good student), about my acting abilities (even though I had the lead in 2 school plays and 3 supporting roles), about my body (even though I was muscular and weighed 115 pounds). When I went off to college and moved in with my BFF, who is uber-confident by the way, my insecurities and inhibitions slowly went away. D was tenacious – when she wanted something, she did what she had to do to get it done. She was confident that she could work through the obstacles and have success, and most of the time she did. Her confidence rubbed off on me, and soon we were unstoppable (at least that’s what we told ourselves at the tender age of 19!).

Of course before I could own a compliment, I had to first accept it and that was hard. My mom was one of those women who had a hard time accepting compliments and so I grew up thinking that when someone complimented you, you immediately denigrated yourself. For example, “your hair looks nice” would be followed by my reply of “oh, ugh I really need a haircut.” But what I realized later was that, by denigrating myself in that way, what I was really doing was invalidating the person who complimented me. When I thought about it like that, it was much easier for me to simply say, “thank you” and leave it at that.

When D and I began sharing an apartment, one of the things that D taught me is to accept a compliment unabashedly. For example, before a night out on the town, I might tell D, “Wow you look really pretty!” and then she would say “I am pretty.” It was said tongue-in-cheek, but only a little bit. We owned the pretty and weren’t afraid to admit it. Soon it became a regular thing for us: “Hey, you look good today!” “I am good!” and so on.

When the TV show Friends ruled the world (yes it was the 90’s), we took Monica Geller’s “I KNOW!” to new heights. D would say, “Oooh I love that shirt on you!” and I would reply back, “I KNOW! Don’t I look awesome in it?!” We did that all the time, and when you do that all the time, you believe it. Agreeing with the compliment lets you accept it and absorb it! It’s a win-win for everyone!

So if you are one of those types who can’t accept a compliment graciously, here’s what I want you to do:

• Stand up straight! Channel your inner Audrey and pretend you are the most desirable actress of the 60’s. This alone will get you more compliments. Walk into a room like you own the place – in other words, fake it till you make it – and you will make it eventually.

• Own the compliment. Don’t be afraid to stake your claim! If someone tells you that was a smart idea you had, fire right back with “I am smart”. You get bonus points for following it up with a sly wink. ;)

• Agree with the compliment. Add your own observation to the compliment (but only if it’s super-positive!).”Hey I like those pants” to which you reply, “I know! They make my legs look super long!”

• If you aren’t ready to do all that, then please, at the very, very least, just say “thank you” and let it go at that. Do. Not. Put. Yourself. Down! Ever!!!!

Think you can handle that? I think you can, and remember, it’s okay to be Sassy once in a while! ;)

Too ticked to even think of a title for this

Hey – I’m here. I’m in a full blown rage a little bit miffed at work right now, so the lovely post about “being confident” I had planned on writing today is on the back burner because I’m in a really snarky-pissy frame of mind right now.

Vacation was wonderful and I got some great little projects done at home, but being back at work has just reminded me of why I so desperately needed a vacation in the first place. I’ve never played the lottery before but I think I’m going to start with the hope that I’ll win big (at least big enough to pay off some debts) so I can kiss this rat race goodbye.

I have been reading your blogs, just haven’t’ had much time to comment, but please know that I’m keeping tabs on all of you and when I have caught up, I’ll be able to come visit and chat with you all a lot more.

Take care!

Just one more post before I go…

Okay I know I said I wouldn’t post anymore until I got back, but I just had this one thought in my head I needed to get out:  I’ve been eating a lot of crud lately. Food that I used to adore, like KFC and Doritos (and lots of other stuff I can’t think of right now) has been finding its way into my mouth, and much to my surprise – it just doesn’t taste good.  Food that used to make me melt with delight no longer even makes me moan. At all.  So I think I’m done. Really. It’s taken about two weeks of eating like this to make me realize that I don’t want to eat like this (I’m a slow learner).  Shawn and I had to go buy groceries for the trip last night and he wanted to stop in to KFC and get something to eat.  I swear, the food had no taste. It tasted so bland – totally not worth the calories.  When we got home I popped a cherry tomato from our garden in my mouth and WOW! the flavor and juice and pure awesomeness that flowed forth from said tomato was simply amazing.  So I think I’m just going to stop giving the crud food second (and third and fourth) chances in hopes it will taste better this time, and stick to the foods that I know are going to be full of flavor and be good for me as well.  We bought lots of good food for the trip last night – nuts, yogurt, fruit, cheese – so I’m ready to give crapfoods the boot.

Okay, that’s all. Just wanted to put that one out there.  Dangit the buzzer on the dryer just sounded, so it’s back to work. Almost done with laundry, and then the joy of packing begins. Oh joy.

Later gang!